Isn't it amazing how the Ladies are able to get access to all these Mets gatherings? Never underestimate the power of determined female fans...anyway, following you will find a tidbit from today's Super Bowl festivities at Howard Johnson's house in Florida, where he hosted David Wright, Daniel Murphy and Nick Evans.
HoJo: Hey guys! How was your winter? David, I'm glad to see you kept yourself out of the papers, except to say all the politically correct things about charity work, the team and how you'll all do better next year...
DW: Yeah, yeah, whatever. God, I'm so tired of being Mr. Nice Guy all the time. Nick, get me some whiskey.
Nick: Yes sir.
Daniel: Why you calling him sir?
Nick: Cause I'm a rookie, and he told me to.
Daniel: He doesn't make me call him sir, and I'm a rookie too.
DW: That's because you're gonna be a star, like me. He's not.
HoJo: That's not right, David. As your baseball father, I am reprimanding you for your behavior.
DW: Oh please, cut the crap. Gimme some beef.
HoJo: What's gotten into you?
DW: I am sick and tired of being the responsible one! I'm the one who talks to the goddamn press after every game. I'm the one who has to live in NY and hear the goddamn fans in the streets every winter, with their taunts. I had to cut back on my endorsements after that tool Keith Hernandez criticized me for doing too much during the season - you know how much money that jackass cost me? And I'm the one that has to hide my sex life, so The Dirty doesn't get their filthy hands on a picture of me in a hot tub with a boatload of Playmates!
Nick: Hey, can I have a Playmate too?
Daniel: No talking, rook! (Nick starts to cry)
HoJo: You guys are terrible! Look, you made him cry.
DW: So what? You know how many times Cliff Floyd made me cry in my rookie year? It'll make him a man......tosses back his whiskey...Hey, anyone want to go get some road beef?
HoJo: What are you talking about? I have beef right here on the BBQ...
DW: Not that kind of beef, old man...c'mon, Daniel, let's go
Nick: Hey, what about me?
Daniel: You stay here and keep HoJo company. And if anyone named "Vito" calls about me covering the spread for the game, I was never here...
Oh dear...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Ladies Try Optimism On For Size
Maybe it's our recent weekend spent in Florida, perhaps it's the news that David Wright is headed to Florida himself this very week to begin his own early spring training, but the Ladies thought we'd go shopping for a new state of mind. Spring is right around the corner, and this has the Ladies feeling, well, almost giddy. Almost. Anyway, we've been wearing blue and orange pessimism for so long, perhaps it's time we gave something new a try. So bear with us while we pull it over our heads, look at it in the mirror, walk around in it for a while. It comes with a money-back guarantee, so we can return it at any time.
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Carlos Beltran
Breaking News: Carlos Beltran Has Been Love Listed!
He's hot. See above.
Four time All-Star. Three time Gold Glover. Highest stolen base percentage in MLB. Need we go on? OK, we will. Two Silver Sluggers, 1,000 runs scored, hit eight home runs in post-season play. The most underappreciated Met ever.
He patrols center field like a lion patrols the plains for food...seriously, when was the last time you watched a ball hit out to center and worried about it dropping in for a hit? Has committed 32 errors as a Met - in four years. Considering he pretty much played the entire outfield last year, we'd say he's doing a damn good job of it.
Loves his wife so much he remarried her in front of JLo and Marc Anthony
One of People Magazine's 100 most beautiful people, 2006
Loves New York and wants to stay.
Birthday party. David Wright. Carlos Delgado. Johan Santana. Jose Reyes. JLo and dancing.
Man knows how to have a good time.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A January Conversation Between Gary, Keith and Ron
The phone rings, Keith picks it up...
Keith: What??
Gary: Hey Keith, it's me and Ronnie. Just wanted to check in with you, it's been a long off-season.
Keith: Ok, so...what? Let's make it quick, I was napping.
Ronnie: What do you think of the team for this year?
Keith: I don't know, they need another bat. Wish I were still playing.
Gary: You think they'll finally win the division this year?
Keith: No. They need someone like me in the batting order (licks his Tootsie pop)
Gary: But Keith, they scored as many runs as the Phillies last year, and the same line-up is coming back. Don't you think it was the bullpen that blew the season? That's been fixed.
Keith: Yeah, whatever. Hey, I had the greatest steak last night.
Ronnie: Keith, stay with us here. What do you think about the rotation? I have concerns.
Keith: About what? They just need someone up there to throw the ball, we all know it's offense that wins games. Like when I was playing...
Ronnie: cuts him off.. Yeah, thanks Keith, whatever. Well, Omar actually asked me if I could still pitch. Apparently they can't find a #4 starter. Not a good sign, right, Gary?
Gary: moans in despair... He asked YOU?? You retired years ago! This is not good, he must not have any confidence in what they've got. Oh man, I gotta tell Howie, we're doomed...
Keith: Don't jump off the bridge yet, Gar. Season hasn't started yet, there's still time. Hey, you think Shea's chef Theresa is coming over to Citifield? She always makes me the greatest ribs.
Gary: crying... I want to win a division! Why can't we just win? I'm tired of announcing collapses!
Ronnie: It's OK, Gary. Hey, when all else fails, we still have each other, right?
Gary: What do you mean? You worked the post-season for FOX last year!!! Traitor!!!!
Keith: You worked for FOX, Ronnie? I didn't know that...Hey, I'm only doing 80 games this year! Awesome! Lots of time off to nap...
Ronnie: sighs...Jeez...it's gonna be a long season.
Just kidding, guys, you know we love you...
26 days till pitchers and catchers...
Get Your Morning Laugh Here
The final word on the new Citifield patch logo:
http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/01/14/the-dugout-inaugural-season-2009/
Please note that the Ladies are concerned about the overriding pizza theme throughout the discussion, and hope our boys have not over-indulged this winter.
http://mlb.fanhouse.com/2009/01/14/the-dugout-inaugural-season-2009/
Please note that the Ladies are concerned about the overriding pizza theme throughout the discussion, and hope our boys have not over-indulged this winter.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Shut The F$*%K Up, Revisited.
Last time, we ranted at the Mets fans out there who want the world and want it yesterday, or they're taking their money elsewhere. This time, we rant at baseball ownership/management/agents.
We. the Ladies, can't stand the male pissing contests anymore. Will someone please blink and sign Derek Lowe???? We don't even care who, let the Braves have him. You all do realize that if baseball were run by women, all the rosters would be set by now? Not only that, all the players would've had their shots (penicillin, of course, to guard against those nasty STDs), been fed and bathed (some really need the help), and put to bed with visions of baseballs in their heads. The stadiums would have all been built, painted and cleaned; uniforms washed and pressed and packed; and notes to the media lovingly tucked away in equipment bags.
C'mon, guys, it's called efficiency. Just do it, and put us all out of our misery. And no, signing Tim Redding while pursuing Lowe/Perez doesn't count as multitasking.
We. the Ladies, can't stand the male pissing contests anymore. Will someone please blink and sign Derek Lowe???? We don't even care who, let the Braves have him. You all do realize that if baseball were run by women, all the rosters would be set by now? Not only that, all the players would've had their shots (penicillin, of course, to guard against those nasty STDs), been fed and bathed (some really need the help), and put to bed with visions of baseballs in their heads. The stadiums would have all been built, painted and cleaned; uniforms washed and pressed and packed; and notes to the media lovingly tucked away in equipment bags.
C'mon, guys, it's called efficiency. Just do it, and put us all out of our misery. And no, signing Tim Redding while pursuing Lowe/Perez doesn't count as multitasking.
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