Happy Holidays!

Behind the Scenes at the Mets Holiday Party

Big Pelf is Santa, with Jerry Manuel and John Maine as his elves. Picture this:

Big Pelf sitting in his Santa chair, awaiting the next child. Johan Santana hops into his lap.

Big Pelf: Ouch! Johan, what are you doing here?
Johan: I've come to ask Santa for a gift!
Big Pelf: Johan, you know it's me, right?
Johan: Yes, Santa, I know it's you. I want a starting pitcher for Christmas!
Big Pelf: Johan, you are a starting pitcher, one of the best in the game!
Johan: I know, but I'm tired of carrying this rotation. I want Derek Lowe!
John Maine: Hey, what about me and Big Pelf? What are we, fried okra?
Johan: No, you guys are great, but we need help! (begins to throw tantrum)
Big Pelf: Jerry, can you help me out here?
Jerry adjusts his glasses Johan, get off Big Pelf before I cut you.
Johan: (Whines) C'mon, Santa, I got K-Rod to come to the team, do I have to do everything myself? I'm tired of being the stopper, I want to relax occasionally. Hell, I had to pitch on three day's rest at the end of last year! I won my games, but we still lost the division! I'm tired! (starts to cry)

The window behind the group suddenly shatters, and David Wright flies in, carrying Ollie Perez under his arm

John Maine: Holy Batman!
David Wright: No, John, I'm SuperDave.
Jerry: David, I told you to stop flying or I'd cut you!
David: Sorry Jerry, but one of my teammates needs help. That's what SuperDave does, he helps everybody!
John: Hey, nice tights. Can you get me some fried okra? I'm getting hungry.
David: I heard Johan ask for a starting pitcher, so I flew down to Mexico and grabbed Ollie.
Ollie is wearing a tuxedo and looks confused
He was in the middle of getting married, but Johan needs him. Plus, pro ballplayers shouldn't get married. You need to focus on the game, not be distracted by women (he shutters)
Johan: OK, this is good...I can deal with Ollie again in the rotation...hey Ollie, this means you gonna come back?
Ollie: $$!* t$^ &$$& f$$$$ u$n$$????
Johan: What??!!
Jerry: He doesn't understand English anymore, Johan, he only speaks Boras now.
Johan: Damn! Do any of you guys speak Boras?
David, Pelf and John all look at each other and shrug: No.
Johan: Damn! What are we gonna do now??

The guys all look at each other and start yelling. OMAR!!!!