Back On The Bus, Gangstas!

It's time! Last boarding call for New York, all gangstas please form an orderly line while we take attendance:


Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.


Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.


J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.


Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.


Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.



Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.


Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?

Castillo? I see you hiding in the back! Did you remember to pack your on base-percentage? No? Go back and get it! We'll wait.

Schneider: Got your camera to take pictures of more birthday parties? Good. Oh, and don't forget Ramon Castro.

Murphy? OK, I see you. No need to jump up and down. Did you pack Nick Evans? Good. Don't forget, he has to go to Buffalo soon, so don't torture him too much. Oh, you also have your Lord of the Rings movies? Great, we'll watch them on the bus.

Maine? Stop poking Pelfrey, please. Did you remember your new mechanics? Good. Lady G's counting on you this year, don't let her down.

Pelfrey! Did you remember your helmet? Great. And your new sinker? Terrific. OK, be careful boarding the bus, please. Maybe you should put your helmet on now, before you attempt the steps.


Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.


And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.

OK, Jerry, gang's all here...do your thing!

Monday, Monday...So Good To Me...

Bonus points if you can identify the song in the title of this post! Hint: You must be over the age of 30 to even have a chance at this...


Anyhoo, a warning to Port St Lucie residents - our very own Lady G is headed down there this weekend to provide John Maine with some encouragement and comfort- crosswords, fried okra (good luck getting THAT thru security, G!) and many hugs for our emo-ridden righty. We are looking forward to reports from her from- wait for it - the field!

Speaking of Lady G, she reports that Duaner "Wild Thing" Sanchez has signed a minor league deal with San Diego. We wish him nothing but good luck there, except when he pitches aganist us, naturally.

Just got thru reading Will Leitch's article on the Mets in NY Mag - now we're depressed. Thanks, Will.

On a positive note, while our stars have been off prancing around with the likes of Hanley Ramierz, Jimmy Rollins (shutter) and Derek Jeter, those left behind have been making good use of increased playing time. Nick Evans, in particular, looking to come out from under Daniel (Don't Call Me Dan) Murphy's shadow, has been tearing it up in spring training play, batting .325 with 10 rbbies. Maybe that kick in the butt from David Wright on Super Bowl Sunday is doing him some good. Ryan Church is looking like his pre-concussion self, hitting .314 and feeling good.

Later, gangstas!

Super Bowl Sunday at HoJo's

Isn't it amazing how the Ladies are able to get access to all these Mets gatherings? Never underestimate the power of determined female fans...anyway, following you will find a tidbit from today's Super Bowl festivities at Howard Johnson's house in Florida, where he hosted David Wright, Daniel Murphy and Nick Evans.



HoJo: Hey guys! How was your winter? David, I'm glad to see you kept yourself out of the papers, except to say all the politically correct things about charity work, the team and how you'll all do better next year...

DW: Yeah, yeah, whatever. God, I'm so tired of being Mr. Nice Guy all the time. Nick, get me some whiskey.

Nick: Yes sir.

Daniel: Why you calling him sir?

Nick: Cause I'm a rookie, and he told me to.

Daniel: He doesn't make me call him sir, and I'm a rookie too.

DW: That's because you're gonna be a star, like me. He's not.

HoJo: That's not right, David. As your baseball father, I am reprimanding you for your behavior.

DW: Oh please, cut the crap. Gimme some beef.

HoJo: What's gotten into you?


DW: I am sick and tired of being the responsible one! I'm the one who talks to the goddamn press after every game. I'm the one who has to live in NY and hear the goddamn fans in the streets every winter, with their taunts. I had to cut back on my endorsements after that tool Keith Hernandez criticized me for doing too much during the season - you know how much money that jackass cost me? And I'm the one that has to hide my sex life, so The Dirty doesn't get their filthy hands on a picture of me in a hot tub with a boatload of Playmates!

Nick: Hey, can I have a Playmate too?

Daniel: No talking, rook! (Nick starts to cry)

HoJo: You guys are terrible! Look, you made him cry.

DW: So what? You know how many times Cliff Floyd made me cry in my rookie year? It'll make him a man......tosses back his whiskey...Hey, anyone want to go get some road beef?

HoJo: What are you talking about? I have beef right here on the BBQ...

DW: Not that kind of beef, old man...c'mon, Daniel, let's go

Nick: Hey, what about me?

Daniel: You stay here and keep HoJo company. And if anyone named "Vito" calls about me covering the spread for the game, I was never here...

Oh dear...