Highly original, that title...
A quickie today; pre-vacation, post-opening day, as the LadyMet family prepares to drive to VA for Busch Gardens. Yes, people, this is what you do when you have kids. Anyway, some thoughts:
Daniel Murphy. You are quickly proving the Ladies prescient in their adoration of you. Note to Reds broadcasters: it's Daniel, not Dennis. Someday, when he's in the Hall, you are going to be embarrassed by that mistake.
Gary Sheffield likes David Wright more than Jimmy Rollins.
Ryan Church is not giving up right field without a fight.
As a sign of respect, and a gift following his first official save as a Met, we will henceforth refer to K-Rod as Frankie, as he prefers. At least until he blows a few.
Danielle at The Wright Stuff has written a kick-ass guide to Citifield. Read it and you're good to go.
Johan. Our love grows stronger every day.
Hey, offense? This is what hitting with RISP looks like: 5-1 Mets over Reds. This is what it looks like without it: 2-1, Mets over Reds. We'll take the win, don't get us wrong. But let's not fall back into bad habits, OK?
Was it just us, or did Brett Myers' head look like it was going to pop like one of David Wright's bubbles during that loss Sunday nite?
Off days following opening day suck. Wonder what the gangstas are doing in Cincinnati today? Any ideas? What do people do in Cincinnati, anyway?
Comments section is open for business, give us your thoughts on these, and any other pressing topics you may have...
Kisses!
Showing posts with label Daniel Murphy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daniel Murphy. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Pictures Of Our Favorite Gangstas
On the eve of our opening day, the Ladies thought we'd share some incredible pictures taken of our boys specifically for SNY's on-screen promos and intros (yes, that's Daniel Murphy you're looking at - jealous, David? Then grow the damn stache already, and we'll forgive you!).
Take a look here, and weep for joy. And if anyone can get the commercial website here to open, let us know. There are more pics to be seen there, but all three of LadyMet's computers are rebelling against it.
Anyway, Michael and Jane, whoever you are, great job. Need an assistant for next year's session? We're available.
LET'S GO METS!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
David Wright Gets Punished
David Wright has let the Ladies down. He has insulted friends of ours, and this is something you simply do not want to do. We have been keeping you, dear readers, abreast of the movement to encourage DW to grow a mustache, as we have nothing but admiration for the lovely guys who began it all, and their willingness to put their own hair follicles on the line for a world championship. Their selfless dedication to the cause has taken them from computer screen to interviews with Mets Weekly and Ron Kuby (quite a combination, there).
Well, earlier this week, David was informed of this movement and was amused. No thought to those who work so hard; no thanks for the time, effort and research that has exposed these men to the dangers of looking at staches like this in an effort to bolster their cause. Not to mention, of course, the sacrifice that 58% of you, dear Ladies, have made to allow that adorable, boyish face to be obscured by a stache. All in the name of a championship.
Now David, have you not said, over and over, that you are a team player, willing to do whatever it takes for wins? Then why, oh why, do you so easily throw in the towel here?
"I don't think I could grow one, even if I wanted to"
What happened to that single-minded dedication to the game? To your team? The fans? To staches everywhere?
We are disappointed, David. So much so that we hereby declare Daniel Murphy to be our new resident non-pitching team hottie.
Win back our love and respect, David. Grow the stache.
Well, earlier this week, David was informed of this movement and was amused. No thought to those who work so hard; no thanks for the time, effort and research that has exposed these men to the dangers of looking at staches like this in an effort to bolster their cause. Not to mention, of course, the sacrifice that 58% of you, dear Ladies, have made to allow that adorable, boyish face to be obscured by a stache. All in the name of a championship.
Now David, have you not said, over and over, that you are a team player, willing to do whatever it takes for wins? Then why, oh why, do you so easily throw in the towel here?
"I don't think I could grow one, even if I wanted to"
What happened to that single-minded dedication to the game? To your team? The fans? To staches everywhere?
We are disappointed, David. So much so that we hereby declare Daniel Murphy to be our new resident non-pitching team hottie.
Win back our love and respect, David. Grow the stache.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Back On The Bus, Gangstas!
It's time! Last boarding call for New York, all gangstas please form an orderly line while we take attendance:
Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.
Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.
J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.
Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.
Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.
Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.
Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?
Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.
And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.
Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.
Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.
J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.
Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.
Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.
Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.
Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?
Castillo? I see you hiding in the back! Did you remember to pack your on base-percentage? No? Go back and get it! We'll wait.
Schneider: Got your camera to take pictures of more birthday parties? Good. Oh, and don't forget Ramon Castro.
Murphy? OK, I see you. No need to jump up and down. Did you pack Nick Evans? Good. Don't forget, he has to go to Buffalo soon, so don't torture him too much. Oh, you also have your Lord of the Rings movies? Great, we'll watch them on the bus.
Maine? Stop poking Pelfrey, please. Did you remember your new mechanics? Good. Lady G's counting on you this year, don't let her down.
Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.
And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.
OK, Jerry, gang's all here...do your thing!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Monday, Monday...So Good To Me...
Bonus points if you can identify the song in the title of this post! Hint: You must be over the age of 30 to even have a chance at this...
Anyhoo, a warning to Port St Lucie residents - our very own Lady G is headed down there this weekend to provide John Maine with some encouragement and comfort- crosswords, fried okra (good luck getting THAT thru security, G!) and many hugs for our emo-ridden righty. We are looking forward to reports from her from- wait for it - the field!
On a positive note, while our stars have been off prancing around with the likes of Hanley Ramierz, Jimmy Rollins (shutter) and Derek Jeter, those left behind have been making good use of increased playing time. Nick Evans, in particular, looking to come out from under Daniel (Don't Call Me Dan) Murphy's shadow, has been tearing it up in spring training play, batting .325 with 10 rbbies. Maybe that kick in the butt from David Wright on Super Bowl Sunday is doing him some good. Ryan Church is looking like his pre-concussion self, hitting .314 and feeling good.
Later, gangstas!
Anyhoo, a warning to Port St Lucie residents - our very own Lady G is headed down there this weekend to provide John Maine with some encouragement and comfort- crosswords, fried okra (good luck getting THAT thru security, G!) and many hugs for our emo-ridden righty. We are looking forward to reports from her from- wait for it - the field!
Speaking of Lady G, she reports that Duaner "Wild Thing" Sanchez has signed a minor league deal with San Diego. We wish him nothing but good luck there, except when he pitches aganist us, naturally.
Just got thru reading Will Leitch's article on the Mets in NY Mag - now we're depressed. Thanks, Will.
On a positive note, while our stars have been off prancing around with the likes of Hanley Ramierz, Jimmy Rollins (shutter) and Derek Jeter, those left behind have been making good use of increased playing time. Nick Evans, in particular, looking to come out from under Daniel (Don't Call Me Dan) Murphy's shadow, has been tearing it up in spring training play, batting .325 with 10 rbbies. Maybe that kick in the butt from David Wright on Super Bowl Sunday is doing him some good. Ryan Church is looking like his pre-concussion self, hitting .314 and feeling good.
Later, gangstas!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Man, It's Cold Up Here
We're baaack! Mickey sends his love to all gangstas out there, and special big kisses to Lady G for keeping us in the loop while LadyMet frolicked with Pooh and his friends.
Since the David Wright Girlfriend saga has been covered (really, too big a story to ignore, even from Fantasyland), let's get back to baseball, shall we?
Recent developments coming out of Camp Gangsta are shocking! Well, maybe not, compared to Camp Steriod over in Tampa. (Allow us to digress a moment - Yankee skipper Joe Girardi is giving his team of me-first, overpaid spoiled crybabies the day off from baseball and taking them on a field trip. That's right, they have been in camp all of five days, and Joe feels they need a break to go play billards. The whole team. Now, supporters can call this a team-building exercise, the Ladies call this rewarding bad behavior)
Anyway, Head Gangsta Jerry is looking to shake things up this year. Changing the lineup, perhaps? Reyes hitting third? An intriguing idea. He's got enough pop in his bat to drive in some serious runs, although he'll have to be careful not to run down Castillo on his way to third. Speaking of which, Castillo has been making all the right noises this spring. He's humble, owning up to his Little League performance of last year, and appears much healthier and lighter. Perhaps he's been on the David Wright Girlfriend diet (eat only greens, get your exercise chasing David all over the country).
On to pitching. Last year, speaking of the Met's pitching staff was enough to give LadyMet hives. This year, a different story.
J.J. Putz is a beast. He's also a character, and the Ladies look forward to many stories of clubhouse hi jinks. As if that weren't enough, he's a team first player, and doesn't mind setting up K-Rod. We see a Love List in your future, J.J.!
The starting rotation has more candidates than than the first round of American Idol. Beginning with Santana, natch, and on to Pelfrey, Ollie (Welcome back! Glad to see Bora$ let you come out to play), our boy Metallica John Maine, and a cast of thousands for the fifth spot. Freddy Garcia? Tim Redding? Jon Niece? Nice to have options!
The outfield is in a state of flux, but again, nice to have options. Although today, not so good to be Ryan Church. Gangsta Jerry is sticking it to our fav former National, by putting him on notice (though the media - really, Jerry?) that he may not be the full-time right fielder due to his lefty-hitting issues. Daniel (Don't call me Dan) Murphy will see the majority of playing time in left, leaving Fernando (The Stars Were Bright) Tatis to spell David Wright, Carlos Delgado and Ryan Church.
So the drama begins, and Jerry is stirring the pot. Plus, the team breaks up next week, as the WBC begins.
Baseball is back!!!
Since the David Wright Girlfriend saga has been covered (really, too big a story to ignore, even from Fantasyland), let's get back to baseball, shall we?
Recent developments coming out of Camp Gangsta are shocking! Well, maybe not, compared to Camp Steriod over in Tampa. (Allow us to digress a moment - Yankee skipper Joe Girardi is giving his team of me-first, overpaid spoiled crybabies the day off from baseball and taking them on a field trip. That's right, they have been in camp all of five days, and Joe feels they need a break to go play billards. The whole team. Now, supporters can call this a team-building exercise, the Ladies call this rewarding bad behavior)
Anyway, Head Gangsta Jerry is looking to shake things up this year. Changing the lineup, perhaps? Reyes hitting third? An intriguing idea. He's got enough pop in his bat to drive in some serious runs, although he'll have to be careful not to run down Castillo on his way to third. Speaking of which, Castillo has been making all the right noises this spring. He's humble, owning up to his Little League performance of last year, and appears much healthier and lighter. Perhaps he's been on the David Wright Girlfriend diet (eat only greens, get your exercise chasing David all over the country).
On to pitching. Last year, speaking of the Met's pitching staff was enough to give LadyMet hives. This year, a different story.
J.J. Putz is a beast. He's also a character, and the Ladies look forward to many stories of clubhouse hi jinks. As if that weren't enough, he's a team first player, and doesn't mind setting up K-Rod. We see a Love List in your future, J.J.!
The starting rotation has more candidates than than the first round of American Idol. Beginning with Santana, natch, and on to Pelfrey, Ollie (Welcome back! Glad to see Bora$ let you come out to play), our boy Metallica John Maine, and a cast of thousands for the fifth spot. Freddy Garcia? Tim Redding? Jon Niece? Nice to have options!
The outfield is in a state of flux, but again, nice to have options. Although today, not so good to be Ryan Church. Gangsta Jerry is sticking it to our fav former National, by putting him on notice (though the media - really, Jerry?) that he may not be the full-time right fielder due to his lefty-hitting issues. Daniel (Don't call me Dan) Murphy will see the majority of playing time in left, leaving Fernando (The Stars Were Bright) Tatis to spell David Wright, Carlos Delgado and Ryan Church.
So the drama begins, and Jerry is stirring the pot. Plus, the team breaks up next week, as the WBC begins.
Baseball is back!!!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Super Bowl Sunday at HoJo's
Isn't it amazing how the Ladies are able to get access to all these Mets gatherings? Never underestimate the power of determined female fans...anyway, following you will find a tidbit from today's Super Bowl festivities at Howard Johnson's house in Florida, where he hosted David Wright, Daniel Murphy and Nick Evans.
HoJo: Hey guys! How was your winter? David, I'm glad to see you kept yourself out of the papers, except to say all the politically correct things about charity work, the team and how you'll all do better next year...
DW: Yeah, yeah, whatever. God, I'm so tired of being Mr. Nice Guy all the time. Nick, get me some whiskey.
Nick: Yes sir.
Daniel: Why you calling him sir?
Nick: Cause I'm a rookie, and he told me to.
Daniel: He doesn't make me call him sir, and I'm a rookie too.
DW: That's because you're gonna be a star, like me. He's not.
HoJo: That's not right, David. As your baseball father, I am reprimanding you for your behavior.
DW: Oh please, cut the crap. Gimme some beef.
HoJo: What's gotten into you?
DW: I am sick and tired of being the responsible one! I'm the one who talks to the goddamn press after every game. I'm the one who has to live in NY and hear the goddamn fans in the streets every winter, with their taunts. I had to cut back on my endorsements after that tool Keith Hernandez criticized me for doing too much during the season - you know how much money that jackass cost me? And I'm the one that has to hide my sex life, so The Dirty doesn't get their filthy hands on a picture of me in a hot tub with a boatload of Playmates!
Nick: Hey, can I have a Playmate too?
Daniel: No talking, rook! (Nick starts to cry)
HoJo: You guys are terrible! Look, you made him cry.
DW: So what? You know how many times Cliff Floyd made me cry in my rookie year? It'll make him a man......tosses back his whiskey...Hey, anyone want to go get some road beef?
HoJo: What are you talking about? I have beef right here on the BBQ...
DW: Not that kind of beef, old man...c'mon, Daniel, let's go
Nick: Hey, what about me?
Daniel: You stay here and keep HoJo company. And if anyone named "Vito" calls about me covering the spread for the game, I was never here...
Oh dear...
HoJo: Hey guys! How was your winter? David, I'm glad to see you kept yourself out of the papers, except to say all the politically correct things about charity work, the team and how you'll all do better next year...
DW: Yeah, yeah, whatever. God, I'm so tired of being Mr. Nice Guy all the time. Nick, get me some whiskey.
Nick: Yes sir.
Daniel: Why you calling him sir?
Nick: Cause I'm a rookie, and he told me to.
Daniel: He doesn't make me call him sir, and I'm a rookie too.
DW: That's because you're gonna be a star, like me. He's not.
HoJo: That's not right, David. As your baseball father, I am reprimanding you for your behavior.
DW: Oh please, cut the crap. Gimme some beef.
HoJo: What's gotten into you?
DW: I am sick and tired of being the responsible one! I'm the one who talks to the goddamn press after every game. I'm the one who has to live in NY and hear the goddamn fans in the streets every winter, with their taunts. I had to cut back on my endorsements after that tool Keith Hernandez criticized me for doing too much during the season - you know how much money that jackass cost me? And I'm the one that has to hide my sex life, so The Dirty doesn't get their filthy hands on a picture of me in a hot tub with a boatload of Playmates!
Nick: Hey, can I have a Playmate too?
Daniel: No talking, rook! (Nick starts to cry)
HoJo: You guys are terrible! Look, you made him cry.
DW: So what? You know how many times Cliff Floyd made me cry in my rookie year? It'll make him a man......tosses back his whiskey...Hey, anyone want to go get some road beef?
HoJo: What are you talking about? I have beef right here on the BBQ...
DW: Not that kind of beef, old man...c'mon, Daniel, let's go
Nick: Hey, what about me?
Daniel: You stay here and keep HoJo company. And if anyone named "Vito" calls about me covering the spread for the game, I was never here...
Oh dear...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Ladies Try Optimism On For Size
Maybe it's our recent weekend spent in Florida, perhaps it's the news that David Wright is headed to Florida himself this very week to begin his own early spring training, but the Ladies thought we'd go shopping for a new state of mind. Spring is right around the corner, and this has the Ladies feeling, well, almost giddy. Almost. Anyway, we've been wearing blue and orange pessimism for so long, perhaps it's time we gave something new a try. So bear with us while we pull it over our heads, look at it in the mirror, walk around in it for a while. It comes with a money-back guarantee, so we can return it at any time.
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas!
For those astute readers, you may have noticed an addition to our contributors - the one and only Stars, from our fav Ladies Locker Room, will be adding her wit and wisdom to these hallowed pages. Welcome, Stars! The gangstas are pleased, they are tired of LadyMet's ramblings. Sean Avery tried out for the gig, seeing as he's unemployed, but his misogyny was just so 90's.
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.
1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.
2. Ditto, John Maine.
3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)
4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.
5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)
6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)
7. A clear head for Ryan Church
8. Second-half Carlos Delgado
9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)
10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy
We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.
1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.
2. Ditto, John Maine.
3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)
4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.
5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)
6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)
7. A clear head for Ryan Church
8. Second-half Carlos Delgado
9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)
10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy
We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Questions for the New Year
So the Ladies are suffering from a bit too much holiday cheer, and have decided to take the blogger's lazy way out by asking you, our astute readers, some questions about the upcoming season. Feel free to leave your responses in the comments section, and remember that you will be graded on a curve.
1. David Wright will go public with his girlfriend. She is:
a. A schoolteacher
b. A model
c. Mrs. Met
d. A long-haul trucker
2. John Maine will reveal his new tattoo. It is:
a. The Metallica logo
b. Jennifer Aniston's face
c. A baseball
d. Johan Santana's face
3. Jose Reyes will change his on-field celebration to:
a. A front handspring
b. A back handspring
c. Throwing Luis Castillo up in the air
d. Kissing Jerry Manuel on the lips
4. The new bullpen will:
a. Shut the door every time out
b. Blow 5-10 saves
c. Blow 10-20 saves
d. Drive Johan Santana to the funny farm
5. The new Citifield home run apple will:
a. Work perfectly, and rise for every Met home run
b. Malfunction in synch with the bullpen
c. Only work if SNY's Gary Apple is sitting on it
d. Have a Keith Hernandez mustache painted on it
6. New Mets phenom Daniel Murphy will:
a. Excel at his new position in the outfield
b. Put laxatives into David Wright's Vitamin Water so he can play his natural third base position
c. Renew his relationship with other Mets phenom Nick Evans
d. Allow Carlos Delgado, but NO ONE ELSE, to call him Dan
7. Aaron Heilman will start for the Mariners at Citifield aganist his former team. He will:
a. Hit Mr. Met in the head with a fastball
b. Hit Omar Minaya in the head with a curveball
c. Throw a no-hitter
d. Suffer from an acute episode of post-traumatic stress disorder and need to be carried off the mound
1. David Wright will go public with his girlfriend. She is:
a. A schoolteacher
b. A model
c. Mrs. Met
d. A long-haul trucker
2. John Maine will reveal his new tattoo. It is:
a. The Metallica logo
b. Jennifer Aniston's face
c. A baseball
d. Johan Santana's face
3. Jose Reyes will change his on-field celebration to:
a. A front handspring
b. A back handspring
c. Throwing Luis Castillo up in the air
d. Kissing Jerry Manuel on the lips
4. The new bullpen will:
a. Shut the door every time out
b. Blow 5-10 saves
c. Blow 10-20 saves
d. Drive Johan Santana to the funny farm
5. The new Citifield home run apple will:
a. Work perfectly, and rise for every Met home run
b. Malfunction in synch with the bullpen
c. Only work if SNY's Gary Apple is sitting on it
d. Have a Keith Hernandez mustache painted on it
6. New Mets phenom Daniel Murphy will:
a. Excel at his new position in the outfield
b. Put laxatives into David Wright's Vitamin Water so he can play his natural third base position
c. Renew his relationship with other Mets phenom Nick Evans
d. Allow Carlos Delgado, but NO ONE ELSE, to call him Dan
7. Aaron Heilman will start for the Mariners at Citifield aganist his former team. He will:
a. Hit Mr. Met in the head with a fastball
b. Hit Omar Minaya in the head with a curveball
c. Throw a no-hitter
d. Suffer from an acute episode of post-traumatic stress disorder and need to be carried off the mound
Monday, December 22, 2008
Daniel Murphy - My Gratuitous Love List
With all the free agent talk flying around and rumors that tie Manny Ramirez to nearly every team in the league (especially our beloved Metropolitans), I thought I would take the time to show a little love to our favorite Irishman, Daniel Murphy. Who needs ManRam in the outfield if it diminishes the face time of D. Murph?
And if you don't know why D Murph is the ladies' choice, let me enlighten you with a little Murph love. Just say no to Manny!
- Any man complete with the David Wright stamp of approval who comes carry Wright purchased merchandise in his back pocket deserves our love.
- He looks better than Golden Boy Michael Phelps in a swimsuit
- He's the only man who can rock the Giambi 'stache better than Giambi
- Daniel hit a .397 in his first half season as a pro. Rawr.
- He can make 4th grade typos and we love him just the same
So let's all sit around with baited breath as we count down to Daniel coming home to Citifield and keep in mind just how much more of a true Met he is than Manny.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tis The Season to Help The Less Fortunate...
So Lady G and I were expressing our consternation over Fred Wilpon's change in financial fortunes. How painful it will be to give up the private jet that ferries forgotten equipment to our boys when they're on road trips...how difficult to have to watch Luis Castillo once again pretend to be a big-league second baseman when you're paying him all the money you have left in the world. The Ladies are nothing if not civic-minded, especially this time of year. So in order to fulfill our charitable quota for the year, we will be holding a Save the Wilpons fundraiser. Some of the items up for bid include:
Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match
Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)
An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)
The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)
A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)
A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans
A Keith Hernandez mustache
John Maine's bone spur
A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses
The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)
Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)
Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match
Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)
An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)
The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)
A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)
A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans
A Keith Hernandez mustache
John Maine's bone spur
A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses
The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)
Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)
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