Ten Reasons Why The Phillies Won't Repeat This Year

While the Ladies work on our anger over David Wright's snub of fans and females (not to mention that he personally called Gary Sheffield to convince him to come to the Mets - THANKS A LOT, DAVID) we thought we'd aim some of this righteous bitterness towards the philthies, now that the WBC is over and it is safe to hate them again. Following are ten reasons why they will come in a distant second this year - if they can get past the Braves, that is:

10. The wrong Manuel won last year, karma dictates that this will be corrected and balance once again restored to the universe.

9. Three words: Chan Ho Park.

8. Jaime Moyer is old. Really old. We can fully expect his arm to be ripped off by the wind during his first start at Citifield this year.

7. J.C. Romero. Out for the first 50 games. "No, I didn't take that stuff! OK, maybe I did, but I didn't know it was aganist that rules! OK, maybe I knew, but the union told me it was OK! Well, maybe they didn't..."

6. Brad Lidge? LadyMet's hubby has him on his fantasy team, therefore he will suck. She is trying to encourage hubby not to trade him for this very reason.

5. Chase Utley has a surgically repaired hip. Now, we are not ones to wish ill health on anyone, but...it's Chase Utley, for chrissakes.

4. The Flyin' Hawaiian? Gimme a break. You can't come up with a better nickname than that? What are you, 9 years old?

3. Payback for the WBC dogpile where Rollins and Victorino got their shots in to David Wright.

2. Not all rednecks are wife-beating, intolerant, filthy-mouthed knuckle-draggers -see Putz, J.J. Some are - see Myers, Brett. The Ladies predict that all this hatred and self-righteous indignation will explode out of Myers' philthy head this year, causing him to finally go postal and landing him in prison, where he can watch his team complete their second place finish on TV, provided he exhibits good behavior.

1. Arrogance, thy names are Hamels and Rollins
Self-esteem is important for optimal functioning in life, right? Too much is called hubris. And hubris leads to carelessness and laziness. Hence, while Hamels is busy shooting SI covers while his reality-starlet wife soaks in the reflected glory (I guess one season of Survivor only gets you so far, huh?) and Rollins is busy planning his Playboy shoot with girlfriend, the Mets will be leaving them in the dust.

Please keep in mind that if none of this comes to fruition, The Ladies will delete this post and pretend it never existed.

Kisses, Gangstas! Safe trip to Cincy! Say hello to Metsgrrl while you're there!

Let's Wrap Up The Week, Shall We?

Not a good week to be a Mets pitcher, eh? The gangstas say good-bye to Duaner "Wild Thing" Sanchez, and thanks for half a good year, back in 2006. Lady G is sad.

Tim Redding, candidate #289 for the fifth starter's spot, is DL'd after pitching like my mother does. He is now participating in one of Mets fan's favorite pastimes, disputing Omar.

Bullpen candidate Tom Martin broke his wrist falling down the stairs in his home. The hog head he brought to camp is sad.

The Mets have a minor league pitcher named Rocky Cherry. This takes the Ladies' lewd mind places it really shouldn't go.

The fifth starter's position is being determined by playing a game of hot potato.

The Netherlands honkballers eliminated the Dominican Republic from the WBC. Jose and Fernando (The Stars Were Bright) Tatis are back in camp! Hopefully Jose is avoiding any and all elderly pasty-white female retirees.

Jimmy Rollins and Jonathan Papelbon are like the Joy Behar and Elizabeth Hasselbeck of MLB - neither one ever shuts up. Gives us bloggers something to talk about, though.

Our fav Johnny Maine has been less than lights out so far, but at least he doesn't have to be put on suicide watch after today's game. Lady G is continuing to send her love and positive thoughts your way, Johnny.

Team USA vs. PR - Are you kidding me? Chipper, where'd your bat go? Oh, Carlos Beltran found it. And used it to bash USA over the head! Memo to Team USA - remember Little League? The mercy rule? Yeah, it applies here too.

Wonder where all the gossip has gone? The gossip boards are growing moss.

Kisses till next time...

Where, Oh Where Have Our Metsies Gone?

And it was all going so well...Spring Training was in full swing, our boys were slowly getting in their cuts, pitches and hunting practice, and then - they're gone. Just like that. Port St Lucie is left with a motley assortment of prospects, career minor leaguers and Bob, the groundskeeper. Not to mention those on the big league roster too injured or small-time for the WBC, such as Johan (much to the chagrin of Hugo Chavez), Ryan Church, Brian Schneider and our resident expert in self-flagellation, Metallica John Maine.


This means the Ladies' attention is split. Do we focus our attention on the gangstas left in Jerry's camp? Or do we hunt down our boys on their various teams, to make sure they are not being unduly influenced by consorting with the enemy (Jose, stay FAR away from Tejada and Ramirez, OK?) Let's check in quickly with our travelers, then pop back in to PSL.


Team USA is having a love-fest. David Wright loves Derek Jeter, Chipper Jones loves David Wright. Even Jimmy Rollins and David Wright have buried the hatchet, at least for now, although Jeter better stay alert in the locker room. We wouldn't put it past Rollins to plant a smoke bomb in Wright's locker. Even David Letterman gets in on the romance, having the team read Thursday's Top Ten List. The Ladies are only mildly interested in the WBC; it is competitive baseball to watch but ehh...all we can say is if USA cannot beat Canada, don't come home (well, send DWright and J.J. home, the rest of you stay up there with the grizzlys)

Team DR with Jose and a couple of ex-Mets - Pedro (remember him?) and Moises Alou. The kissy-face with A-Rod and Jose is over, as A-Rod is out with an injury, and manager Felipe Alou has already screwed up, using Hanley Ramirez at SS instead of Jose in today's game against the Netherlands. The Marlin (a team known for their defense - not!) made an error in the first inning that allowed two runs, which were the deciding runs in DR's LOSS to the Dutch today. Yes, I said LOSS. The WBC world is rocked!

Now to the PR team with our Carloses, among others. Take care, boys, don't get hurt, we need you this year. And look after Alex Cora, our newest infielder, as we will need his glove when the inevitable Slappy McSlapperton injury occurs. Don't feel bad if you don't make it to the finals vs USA as we would hate to see the Mets' core playing each other.

Team Mexico - with Ollie - please lose early and often. Johan has more mentoring work to do with Ollie, and we need them back together in PSL.

Speaking of PSL, Johan's throwing schedule is back on track, and he is determined to open the season in Cinncinati, as befits an ace. Let him, Jerry. Please.
A word to Johnny Maine. Relax, dude. You'll be fine.
Injuries recently reported can be found here. Add Mike Pelfrey to the list, with a muscle strain. Wrap yourselves in bubble wrap, guys. As a matter of fact, the Ladies volunteer to fly down there and help with that process. A sacrifice, sure, but we're willing.


There is probably much more to report on, but LadyMet is exhausted by all the baseball after so many long, barren months. And since our spring training regimen consists of sitting in front of the computer reading Metsblog and eating peanuts, we're still a little out of shape.

Lady G's Bits and Pieces

Hey all! Lady G here filling in for the one and only Lady Met while she is on vacation. Hope she is having a fabulous time!

Welcome to Week 2 over at Mets camp down in PSL.... the Mets' home away from home....

To start off with the Ladies would like to send out a big congratulations to Jose Reyes and his wife Katherine on the birth of their daughter. In addition, newbie JJ Putz's wife is expecting her third child next week, early congrats to you both as well...

In other news, it sounds as if Jimmy Rollins is backing off the "Team to Beat" talk ------ guess what, the Mets are going to roll over you like one of the bulldozers over at Shea .... just you wait.... Also, Cole Hamels should really watch his back when he comes to the Big Apple this season, he apparently made a few too many enemies this past off season with his "choke artist" bit. Just watch your back and always look over your shoulder, you just never know (and tell your wife to stay out of your career, she's bad for your PR).........

For all you lucky folks heading down to PSL during this Spring Training, rumor has it Field #2 is the best place to be at around Noon ( after workouts end), to catch a close up of your favorites and possibly chat one up or grab an autograph. Don't say we never look out for ya all ;)

It looks like our two favorite boys have been battling it out during team agility drills. David Wright & John Maine are neck & neck. Too bad it looks as if Angel Pagan will beat them both in the end. Us Ladies think they are both adorable and don't want to see them hurt, it's just not worth it, boys, we will love you BOTH regardless.
*Lady G secretly hopes John Maine kicks David's arse (wink wink).....

David described his impressive 34 inch vertical Jump as "Shaq-esque"...it sounds like he may just be trying to show off for his boy David Lee.

Let it be noted that John Maine ran 300 Yards in 47 seconds, can we say tres impressive! he is truly our very own Edward Cullen...speaking of Edward Cullen, maybe this explains K-Rod's red eyes, maybe they are not really "contacts" after all....he does, after all, pitch like a superhuman!

In closing, I'd like to take a second to remember Shea stadium .... the last remaining structure was torn down earlier today. RIP Shea we will miss you! Too bad Cole & Jimmy weren't under it when it went down.... Nuff said.....

Till next time
xoxox
Lady G

Odds and Ends

LadyMet is feeling happy and prolific today, having shed a stressful job like Caroline Kennedy shed her political career, so here are a few thoughts:


Will Manny-Mania ever stop? Omar has pretty much closed the door on signing him. Face it, men, he ain't coming to Queens. He will bring his .593 slugging percentage, "aching knees" and childlike narcissistic personality to another team, perhaps staying with the Dodgers. LadyMet's husband was not pleased to hear this, and felt that cursing the Wilpons and threatening a boycott of Citifield was in order. To which LadyMet replied, "Shut the F&#K Up", sweetie. And don't forget to pick up milk on your way home.
The Ladies are OK with this, as they feel the team will be competitive this year as is. Did you hear that, guys? The Ladies are still wearing their newly aquired optimism, as it looks good and has gotten some wolf whistles out on the street.

A new entry into the world of sports-related gossip boards, The Ninth Inning.

Oh Michael, dear, sweet, ADHD Michael! How could you!

Why is David Wright stalking Nick Cannon?

Speaking of King David, Chipper Jones has professed his undying love for him. No, really. Stop laughing. Next thing you know, Jimmy Rollins will put aside his arrogance and self-promotion and play nice with his baseball rivals...oh. Wonder what Bud Selig has on good old JR?

Where, oh where is our little friend stars? The Ladies are lonely without you...

Kisses!

Merry Christmas!

For those astute readers, you may have noticed an addition to our contributors - the one and only Stars, from our fav Ladies Locker Room, will be adding her wit and wisdom to these hallowed pages. Welcome, Stars! The gangstas are pleased, they are tired of LadyMet's ramblings. Sean Avery tried out for the gig, seeing as he's unemployed, but his misogyny was just so 90's.
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.

1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.

2. Ditto, John Maine.

3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)

4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.

5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)

6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)

7. A clear head for Ryan Church

8. Second-half Carlos Delgado

9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)

10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy

We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...

Tis The Season to Help The Less Fortunate...

So Lady G and I were expressing our consternation over Fred Wilpon's change in financial fortunes. How painful it will be to give up the private jet that ferries forgotten equipment to our boys when they're on road trips...how difficult to have to watch Luis Castillo once again pretend to be a big-league second baseman when you're paying him all the money you have left in the world. The Ladies are nothing if not civic-minded, especially this time of year. So in order to fulfill our charitable quota for the year, we will be holding a Save the Wilpons fundraiser. Some of the items up for bid include:

Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match

Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)

An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)

The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)

A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)

A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans

A Keith Hernandez mustache

John Maine's bone spur

A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses

The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)

Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)