Maybe it's our recent weekend spent in Florida, perhaps it's the news that David Wright is headed to Florida himself this very week to begin his own early spring training, but the Ladies thought we'd go shopping for a new state of mind. Spring is right around the corner, and this has the Ladies feeling, well, almost giddy. Almost. Anyway, we've been wearing blue and orange pessimism for so long, perhaps it's time we gave something new a try. So bear with us while we pull it over our heads, look at it in the mirror, walk around in it for a while. It comes with a money-back guarantee, so we can return it at any time.
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
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