So Lady G and I were expressing our consternation over Fred Wilpon's change in financial fortunes. How painful it will be to give up the private jet that ferries forgotten equipment to our boys when they're on road trips...how difficult to have to watch Luis Castillo once again pretend to be a big-league second baseman when you're paying him all the money you have left in the world. The Ladies are nothing if not civic-minded, especially this time of year. So in order to fulfill our charitable quota for the year, we will be holding a Save the Wilpons fundraiser. Some of the items up for bid include:
Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match
Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)
An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)
The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)
A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)
A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans
A Keith Hernandez mustache
John Maine's bone spur
A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses
The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)
Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)
I think this is a highly noteworthy cause! Can I bid on pictures from the holiday party and telling Big Santa Pelf what i want for Christmas?
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