Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Mets Gossip - Year in Review

I don't know, John, we narrowly escaped damaging gossip this year, let's try to stay out of trouble next year...
Well, OK, David, but I'm not the one gettin marriage proposals on a daily basis...

Out here on the Field, the Ladies like to do things ass-backwards. We are putting up the year-end review column after we've put up the preview column for next year. You got a problem with that, take it up with Omar, who also likes to do things ass-backwards, such as signing star players well past their prime.

Mets off-the-field gossip really only featured two major stories this year, as opposed to on-the-field, where much chaos and drama unfolded. We lost a manager and a mullet, but not before said manager got his shots in at the NY press and fans. We had Curtain-Call Gate, into which our beloved DWright was dragged (no, seriously, this "story" dragged on for days). We had Olympians and home-town boys with 30 seconds of major league experience pitching (the latter of which wasted no time stirring some shit of his own). We had temper tantrums and threats, celebrations and crying, and of course, the inevitable collapse. Ah, to be a Met in 2008.

On the lighter side, we had some interesting things occur off-the-field. If you are even remotely interested in the Mets, you know of the obsession with our resident boy wonder, David Wright. He is handsome, humble, hard-working, and above all else, single. Is there a more perfect sports star out there for the Ladies to admire? I think not. Oh, David, he of the great ass and great smile. Imagine our surprise when, just into year 2008, a picture appeared of our beloved with a "model". Hmmm. Maybe there is no schoolteacher girlfriend and he's hooking up with a wanna-be model? Or perhaps DWright was simply appearing with an old friend to help her publicize her career. Well, the gossip boards were all abuzz. Hearts were breaking all over the tri-state area, and beyond. Fast forward to July, then this hit. OMG! As David is an intensely private person and not willing to discuss his love life (which makes him all the more titillating) I guess we'll never know, until a ring is on someone's finger.

The major story this year, courtesy of Lady G, was by far the NY Mets Girlfranz. What do we mean? Check it out and weep/laugh/vomit. All we can say to this is *sigh*.

See, gangstas, this is why you have to stay on the bus. It's the only place you'll behave.

Monday, December 29, 2008

An Open Letter to Omar

Dear Omar;

Hello, the Ladies here. Just wanted to drop you a line regarding the recent trade rumors involving Andruw Jones of the Dodgers. Here's the deal:

The Ladies say no. NO. Period.

Otherwise you are under the bus. 'Kay?


The Ladies.

Six Degrees of David Wright

Shall we play a game?
Why not, you got anything better to do? Except perhaps mourn the firing of Eric Mangini as coach of the Jets. The firing made LadyMet's husband deliriously happy, but she feels a certain sense of sadness. How can you hate a coach who names his children after his players?

Anyway, some recent gossip news involving, very indirectly, our love David Wright got us to thinking. Is this man tied to everyone in the tri-state area? Take our quiz and see. Following is a list of people. See if you can correctly identify which ones have been linked to DW in some way. Answers will be revealed tomorrow.

1. Michael J. Fox
2. Joe McEwing
3. Olympian Sarah Hughes
4. Jennifer Lopez
5. Lauren Conrad
6. Tiger Woods
7. Donnie Deutch
8. Jessica Simpson
9. Superman Brandon Routh
10. Donald Trump

Good luck!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Some Random Thoughts on Gossip

As the Ladies reflect on the year that was, they got to thinking about the world of baseball gossip, and the good/bad/ugly of it all. We'll leave it to you to decide which site belongs in which category.
There is the men's side of things (Deadspin, The Big Lead, etc.) which focus on cheerleaders and the gratuitous boob shots of starlets (only under the age of 25, please), not to mention all the filler about football bowl games and obscure sports announcers.
Then there is the ladies' point of view (Ladies Locker Room, Ladies..., Babes Love Baseball). These fab sites not only give us informed, knowledgeable wisdom on our favorite sports, they provide us with unparalleled hottie pics.
Last but not least there is the *ahem* gossip sites (,,*). While the Ladies only read these sites for the sake of journalistic integrity (ha) we do feel an obligation to inform you, dear Mets gangstas, these sites are there, ready and willing to expose your every misdeed. So if you plan on getting off the bus, be careful!

* OTDL may also fall into this category, but as we have many friends there and enjoy it so much, we will simply consider it to be a place where Ladies go to exchange thoughts and ideas. Like having high tea at Harrod's.

Please note there is a poll at the bottom of the page. As it is the dead of winter and all is quiet on the Mets bus, we need something to do to fill our time until pitchers and catchers.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Gifts

Amazing how wishes sometimes come true! The Ladies received David Wright under the tree (alas, it was plastic and clothed, but we'll take what we can get) and then found this:

How many days till pitchers and catchers?

Have a happy Christmas!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!

For those astute readers, you may have noticed an addition to our contributors - the one and only Stars, from our fav Ladies Locker Room, will be adding her wit and wisdom to these hallowed pages. Welcome, Stars! The gangstas are pleased, they are tired of LadyMet's ramblings. Sean Avery tried out for the gig, seeing as he's unemployed, but his misogyny was just so 90's.
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.

1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.

2. Ditto, John Maine.

3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)

4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.

5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)

6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)

7. A clear head for Ryan Church

8. Second-half Carlos Delgado

9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)

10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy

We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Questions for the New Year

So the Ladies are suffering from a bit too much holiday cheer, and have decided to take the blogger's lazy way out by asking you, our astute readers, some questions about the upcoming season. Feel free to leave your responses in the comments section, and remember that you will be graded on a curve.

1. David Wright will go public with his girlfriend. She is:

a. A schoolteacher
b. A model
c. Mrs. Met
d. A long-haul trucker

2. John Maine will reveal his new tattoo. It is:

a. The Metallica logo
b. Jennifer Aniston's face
c. A baseball
d. Johan Santana's face

3. Jose Reyes will change his on-field celebration to:

a. A front handspring
b. A back handspring
c. Throwing Luis Castillo up in the air
d. Kissing Jerry Manuel on the lips

4. The new bullpen will:

a. Shut the door every time out
b. Blow 5-10 saves
c. Blow 10-20 saves
d. Drive Johan Santana to the funny farm

5. The new Citifield home run apple will:

a. Work perfectly, and rise for every Met home run
b. Malfunction in synch with the bullpen
c. Only work if SNY's Gary Apple is sitting on it
d. Have a Keith Hernandez mustache painted on it

6. New Mets phenom Daniel Murphy will:

a. Excel at his new position in the outfield
b. Put laxatives into David Wright's Vitamin Water so he can play his natural third base position
c. Renew his relationship with other Mets phenom Nick Evans
d. Allow Carlos Delgado, but NO ONE ELSE, to call him Dan

7. Aaron Heilman will start for the Mariners at Citifield aganist his former team. He will:

a. Hit Mr. Met in the head with a fastball
b. Hit Omar Minaya in the head with a curveball
c. Throw a no-hitter
d. Suffer from an acute episode of post-traumatic stress disorder and need to be carried off the mound

Monday, December 22, 2008

Daniel Murphy - My Gratuitous Love List

With all the free agent talk flying around and rumors that tie Manny Ramirez to nearly every team in the league (especially our beloved Metropolitans), I thought I would take the time to show a little love to our favorite Irishman, Daniel Murphy. Who needs ManRam in the outfield if it diminishes the face time of D. Murph?

And if you don't know why D Murph is the ladies' choice, let me enlighten you with a little Murph love. Just say no to Manny!

- Any man complete with the David Wright stamp of approval who comes carry Wright purchased merchandise in his back pocket deserves our love.

- He looks better than Golden Boy Michael Phelps in a swimsuit

- He's the only man who can rock the Giambi 'stache better than Giambi

- Daniel hit a .397 in his first half season as a pro. Rawr.

- He can make 4th grade typos and we love him just the same

So let's all sit around with baited breath as we count down to Daniel coming home to Citifield and keep in mind just how much more of a true Met he is than Manny.

Thoughts of the Day

What's that, little birdie? There's a new Mets blog around? Oh, thank heavens, we needed another one...

Hey John, did you hear? We've both been Love Listed by the Ladies! Wow, we've really hit the big-time...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Happy Birthday, David Wright

Reason Number 4,783 Why It's Good To Be David Wright

You get Love Listed by the Ladies...

Nobody rocks the guyliner like David Wright...

Or the headband...(are you sensing a metro trend here?)

He's charitable...

and HOT!

Loves and respects his momma - "No, I don't have any tattoos, my mom would kill me!"

and his team...

Encourages his too-skinny girlfriend to eat by taking her to restaurants

The ladies love him -
One of Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun, Fearless Males for 2006
"The hottest attraction at the luncheon?
New York Mets third baseman David Wright, who attracted a long line of women waiting to have their pictures taken with him. Wright patiently posed for every last shot."

And so do the advertisers: Fathead, Nike, Vitamin Water, Topps, etc.

Oh yeah, you're also one of the best players in the game today

So, happy birthday David!

Love, the Ladies

Friday, December 19, 2008

Happy Holidays!

Behind the Scenes at the Mets Holiday Party

Big Pelf is Santa, with Jerry Manuel and John Maine as his elves. Picture this:

Big Pelf sitting in his Santa chair, awaiting the next child. Johan Santana hops into his lap.

Big Pelf: Ouch! Johan, what are you doing here?
Johan: I've come to ask Santa for a gift!
Big Pelf: Johan, you know it's me, right?
Johan: Yes, Santa, I know it's you. I want a starting pitcher for Christmas!
Big Pelf: Johan, you are a starting pitcher, one of the best in the game!
Johan: I know, but I'm tired of carrying this rotation. I want Derek Lowe!
John Maine: Hey, what about me and Big Pelf? What are we, fried okra?
Johan: No, you guys are great, but we need help! (begins to throw tantrum)
Big Pelf: Jerry, can you help me out here?
Jerry adjusts his glasses Johan, get off Big Pelf before I cut you.
Johan: (Whines) C'mon, Santa, I got K-Rod to come to the team, do I have to do everything myself? I'm tired of being the stopper, I want to relax occasionally. Hell, I had to pitch on three day's rest at the end of last year! I won my games, but we still lost the division! I'm tired! (starts to cry)

The window behind the group suddenly shatters, and David Wright flies in, carrying Ollie Perez under his arm

John Maine: Holy Batman!
David Wright: No, John, I'm SuperDave.
Jerry: David, I told you to stop flying or I'd cut you!
David: Sorry Jerry, but one of my teammates needs help. That's what SuperDave does, he helps everybody!
John: Hey, nice tights. Can you get me some fried okra? I'm getting hungry.
David: I heard Johan ask for a starting pitcher, so I flew down to Mexico and grabbed Ollie.
Ollie is wearing a tuxedo and looks confused
He was in the middle of getting married, but Johan needs him. Plus, pro ballplayers shouldn't get married. You need to focus on the game, not be distracted by women (he shutters)
Johan: OK, this is good...I can deal with Ollie again in the rotation...hey Ollie, this means you gonna come back?
Ollie: $$!* t$^ &$$& f$$$$ u$n$$????
Johan: What??!!
Jerry: He doesn't understand English anymore, Johan, he only speaks Boras now.
Johan: Damn! Do any of you guys speak Boras?
David, Pelf and John all look at each other and shrug: No.
Johan: Damn! What are we gonna do now??

The guys all look at each other and start yelling. OMAR!!!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Tis The Season to Help The Less Fortunate...

So Lady G and I were expressing our consternation over Fred Wilpon's change in financial fortunes. How painful it will be to give up the private jet that ferries forgotten equipment to our boys when they're on road difficult to have to watch Luis Castillo once again pretend to be a big-league second baseman when you're paying him all the money you have left in the world. The Ladies are nothing if not civic-minded, especially this time of year. So in order to fulfill our charitable quota for the year, we will be holding a Save the Wilpons fundraiser. Some of the items up for bid include:

Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match

Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)

An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)

The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)

A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)

A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans

A Keith Hernandez mustache

John Maine's bone spur

A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses

The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)

Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

John Maine needs some lovin'

So one of the Ladies was lamenting the fact that David Wright gets all the female love, while there are others on the team just as fine who are in need of some female attention. So while John didn't have such a great year on the mound - injuries are a bitch - he is still possessing of the great ass and the great four-seam fastball. Following is Lady G's List of John Maine Love. The Ladies are hoping that sending a little adoration JM's way will motivate him to greater pitching heights in 2009.

He is a twin! Brother is Justin. If you get sick of one there is always another.

Likes Metallica and is not afraid to show it during spring training @ Duffys sports bar

Not afraid to admit his crush on Jennifer Aniston

Has a tattoo of a skull on each arm- enough said.

Bowling and fried okra - again, enough said.

He can shoot an arrow and look sexy while doing so-- or dressing up in a Samurai outfit.

No pitcher on the Mets looks better running and sweaty - compare and contrast

A degree in mechanical engineering - so not only can he pitch you into heaven, he can fix your car on the way out

So here's to you, Johnny...if there's anything you'd like to add about yourself, please contact this blog. Lady G will be glad to personally verify any new info you'd like added to the list.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Mets are a bad boyfriend

So the Ladies are reliving last years' spring training prediction by Carlos B (see post above) and the subsequent results of said prediction. The Ladies got to thinking about all the years the Mets were supposed to be great, even just good, and fell flat. And we were wondering why we love them anyway. They are, after all, like the bad-boy boyfriend you had in high school, who promised you a ring after graduation (a world series ring, possibly), that would lead to a house of your own (Citifield) and maybe a few kids (a decent farm system). Boyfriend would keep all his promises to be faithful and not tramp off with the town hussy. Then said boyfriend fired up his motorcycle and drove off, after leaving you with an unmentionable disease. Alas, we all know women just love a bad boy, one whose committment phobias are as big as his ego. Therefore, we have decided to accept our self-destructive tendencies and will be glued to the TV come April. Following is a list of things we rooted out as solid, healthy reasons to love our Mets: David Wright's ass. Jose Reyes' smile. Johan Santana's incredible gamemanship. Jerry Manuel's sound bites (see: title of this blog). Ryan Church's perseverance. David Wright's tongue. John Maine's love of Metallica. The bullpen's willingness to give a hand to the grounds crew (although they could have helped more by giving up fewer runs, but we're trying to be positive here). Joe Smith flipping off Cubs fans at Wrigley (Miss you, Joe!). Did I mention David Wright yet? Carlos y Carlos. And so much more... OK, we feel better now.

Let the Trash Talking Begin...

So Francisco Rodriguez has been a Met for all of what? five days? and he's already jumping into the Phillies/Mets verbal war. It seems that Cole Hamels took a hit from his helium balloon (seriously, have you ever heard his voice? ...creepy) and proclaimed the Mets "choke artists". K-Rod, being the quiet, unassuming sort he is, begged to differ. He seems to feel the Mets will be the "team to beat" in '09. Does this remind you of something? Dig down deep, into the place in your mind where nightmares dwell, and it will come to you.
So to escape from the anxiety this little episode produced, the Ladies thought some relaxation would be in order. Maybe a massage, perhaps a cocktail...or wait! How about a cocktail while sitting in front of a beautiful salt water fish tank? Nothing more relaxing than watching colorful fish swim, maybe while being massaged by your favorite third baseman?
So the ladies can dream...

Sunday, December 14, 2008


Welcome to the Field!
We are a blog dedicated to the NY Mets; that frustrating, occasionally exciting, often maddening and always interesting baseball team. The Ladies, while loving the hundreds of blogs dedicated to the Mets, were hungering for a place that would combine commentary on the game itself with the off-the-field gossip we love. We will occasionally veer off into other noteworthy sports stories (Plaxico, anyone?) but will always return to our orange and blue roots. So feel free to send us your stories, gossip and comments on the "other" NY baseball team. And while you're at it, please tell us how you can possibly look good while wearing the color orange. David Wright and I want to know.
Bonus points if you can identify the source of the title of this blog.