I do have to say that the Mets have dodged a bullet, or several for that matter, in the last four or so years, injury-wise. The worst was Pedro Martinez, but he was old and falling apart, and we all knew he wouldn't last a full season, ever (except for 2005, of course).
But now...The worst has happened, ladies and gangstas.
Jose Reyes is out for an extended period of time.
I may have christened Carlos Delgado as a curse. And I still stand by that claim since (besides Duaner Sanchez's cab accident) we can relate everything bad that has happened to the team to him - he's like the swine flu source.
See, LadyMet has called out Mets fans for not having "leadership" or an "edge." Well, I tend to have an edge when I drink. But right now, I am claiming leadership of the Mets and Mets fandom. And I am saying Don't Panic. The worst has happened. Time to go forward and move ahead, like Devo would say.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves. By getting ahead, I mean pulling a Steve Phillips circa 2000 when Rey Ordonez went down with an injury and he traded fan fave Melvin Mora for Mike Bordick.
We can source everything bad that happened to that team in the post-season to that deal.
And not to mention, Melvin Mora has sort of a cult-following in Baltimore now, and Mike Bordick all but fell off the face of the earth after the 2000 season.
The lesson learned, Ladies and Gangstas: Don't trade (what's left of) the farm for a momentary fix.
If (and when) Jose Reyes returns this season, it doesn't matter if it's September 20. Carlos Delgado is gone and I don't think we'll see him in a Mets uniform again, and we need to fill his hole with a Carlos Lee-type (who is so undervalued it's ridiculous).
Here's a novel idea: why not work with the new guy Valdez at SS and have Cora spell him for his brain farts? Why not have the team learn from this experience? They seemed to have no learned from collapsing two years in a row, perhaps Beltran and Wright band together with Johan and take this team by the fleshy paunch that used to be their, um, tummies. Yeah that's it.
And by team I also mean Omar Minaya, for refusing to believe that the Mets actually needed a big bat this offseason and just getting overpriced/overworked guys for the bullpen, and the Wilpons, for continuing to be penny-wise and pound-foolish, not a good recipe for a recession.
Otherwise, I think the Mets are wise to just rebuild. Poor Carlos Beltran. He's doing his MVP run with no one else to back him up.
Showing posts with label Jose Reyes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jose Reyes. Show all posts
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Back On The Bus, Gangstas!
It's time! Last boarding call for New York, all gangstas please form an orderly line while we take attendance:
Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.
Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.
J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.
Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.
Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.
Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.
Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?
Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.
And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.
Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.
Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.
J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.
Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.
Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.
Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.
Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?
Castillo? I see you hiding in the back! Did you remember to pack your on base-percentage? No? Go back and get it! We'll wait.
Schneider: Got your camera to take pictures of more birthday parties? Good. Oh, and don't forget Ramon Castro.
Murphy? OK, I see you. No need to jump up and down. Did you pack Nick Evans? Good. Don't forget, he has to go to Buffalo soon, so don't torture him too much. Oh, you also have your Lord of the Rings movies? Great, we'll watch them on the bus.
Maine? Stop poking Pelfrey, please. Did you remember your new mechanics? Good. Lady G's counting on you this year, don't let her down.
Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.
And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.
OK, Jerry, gang's all here...do your thing!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
David Wright, Correspondent
Ah, those were the days...David was still young and goofy, the Mets were winning everything in sight, and all was right with the world...*sigh*
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Let's Wrap Up The Week, Shall We?
Not a good week to be a Mets pitcher, eh? The gangstas say good-bye to Duaner "Wild Thing" Sanchez, and thanks for half a good year, back in 2006. Lady G is sad.
Tim Redding, candidate #289 for the fifth starter's spot, is DL'd after pitching like my mother does. He is now participating in one of Mets fan's favorite pastimes, disputing Omar.
Bullpen candidate Tom Martin broke his wrist falling down the stairs in his home. The hog head he brought to camp is sad.
The Mets have a minor league pitcher named Rocky Cherry. This takes the Ladies' lewd mind places it really shouldn't go.
The fifth starter's position is being determined by playing a game of hot potato.
The Netherlands honkballers eliminated the Dominican Republic from the WBC. Jose and Fernando (The Stars Were Bright) Tatis are back in camp! Hopefully Jose is avoiding any and all elderly pasty-white female retirees.
Jimmy Rollins and Jonathan Papelbon are like the Joy Behar and Elizabeth Hasselbeck of MLB - neither one ever shuts up. Gives us bloggers something to talk about, though.
Our fav Johnny Maine has been less than lights out so far, but at least he doesn't have to be put on suicide watch after today's game. Lady G is continuing to send her love and positive thoughts your way, Johnny.
Team USA vs. PR - Are you kidding me? Chipper, where'd your bat go? Oh, Carlos Beltran found it. And used it to bash USA over the head! Memo to Team USA - remember Little League? The mercy rule? Yeah, it applies here too.
Wonder where all the gossip has gone? The gossip boards are growing moss.
Kisses till next time...
Tim Redding, candidate #289 for the fifth starter's spot, is DL'd after pitching like my mother does. He is now participating in one of Mets fan's favorite pastimes, disputing Omar.
Bullpen candidate Tom Martin broke his wrist falling down the stairs in his home. The hog head he brought to camp is sad.
The Mets have a minor league pitcher named Rocky Cherry. This takes the Ladies' lewd mind places it really shouldn't go.
The fifth starter's position is being determined by playing a game of hot potato.
The Netherlands honkballers eliminated the Dominican Republic from the WBC. Jose and Fernando (The Stars Were Bright) Tatis are back in camp! Hopefully Jose is avoiding any and all elderly pasty-white female retirees.
Jimmy Rollins and Jonathan Papelbon are like the Joy Behar and Elizabeth Hasselbeck of MLB - neither one ever shuts up. Gives us bloggers something to talk about, though.
Our fav Johnny Maine has been less than lights out so far, but at least he doesn't have to be put on suicide watch after today's game. Lady G is continuing to send her love and positive thoughts your way, Johnny.
Team USA vs. PR - Are you kidding me? Chipper, where'd your bat go? Oh, Carlos Beltran found it. And used it to bash USA over the head! Memo to Team USA - remember Little League? The mercy rule? Yeah, it applies here too.
Wonder where all the gossip has gone? The gossip boards are growing moss.
Kisses till next time...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Where, Oh Where Have Our Metsies Gone?
And it was all going so well...Spring Training was in full swing, our boys were slowly getting in their cuts, pitches and hunting practice, and then - they're gone. Just like that. Port St Lucie is left with a motley assortment of prospects, career minor leaguers and Bob, the groundskeeper. Not to mention those on the big league roster too injured or small-time for the WBC, such as Johan (much to the chagrin of Hugo Chavez), Ryan Church, Brian Schneider and our resident expert in self-flagellation, Metallica John Maine.
This means the Ladies' attention is split. Do we focus our attention on the gangstas left in Jerry's camp? Or do we hunt down our boys on their various teams, to make sure they are not being unduly influenced by consorting with the enemy (Jose, stay FAR away from Tejada and Ramirez, OK?) Let's check in quickly with our travelers, then pop back in to PSL.
Team USA is having a love-fest. David Wright loves Derek Jeter, Chipper Jones loves David Wright. Even Jimmy Rollins and David Wright have buried the hatchet, at least for now, although Jeter better stay alert in the locker room. We wouldn't put it past Rollins to plant a smoke bomb in Wright's locker. Even David Letterman gets in on the romance, having the team read Thursday's Top Ten List. The Ladies are only mildly interested in the WBC; it is competitive baseball to watch but ehh...all we can say is if USA cannot beat Canada, don't come home (well, send DWright and J.J. home, the rest of you stay up there with the grizzlys)
This means the Ladies' attention is split. Do we focus our attention on the gangstas left in Jerry's camp? Or do we hunt down our boys on their various teams, to make sure they are not being unduly influenced by consorting with the enemy (Jose, stay FAR away from Tejada and Ramirez, OK?) Let's check in quickly with our travelers, then pop back in to PSL.
Team USA is having a love-fest. David Wright loves Derek Jeter, Chipper Jones loves David Wright. Even Jimmy Rollins and David Wright have buried the hatchet, at least for now, although Jeter better stay alert in the locker room. We wouldn't put it past Rollins to plant a smoke bomb in Wright's locker. Even David Letterman gets in on the romance, having the team read Thursday's Top Ten List. The Ladies are only mildly interested in the WBC; it is competitive baseball to watch but ehh...all we can say is if USA cannot beat Canada, don't come home (well, send DWright and J.J. home, the rest of you stay up there with the grizzlys)
Team DR with Jose and a couple of ex-Mets - Pedro (remember him?) and Moises Alou. The kissy-face with A-Rod and Jose is over, as A-Rod is out with an injury, and manager Felipe Alou has already screwed up, using Hanley Ramirez at SS instead of Jose in today's game against the Netherlands. The Marlin (a team known for their defense - not!) made an error in the first inning that allowed two runs, which were the deciding runs in DR's LOSS to the Dutch today. Yes, I said LOSS. The WBC world is rocked!
Now to the PR team with our Carloses, among others. Take care, boys, don't get hurt, we need you this year. And look after Alex Cora, our newest infielder, as we will need his glove when the inevitable Slappy McSlapperton injury occurs. Don't feel bad if you don't make it to the finals vs USA as we would hate to see the Mets' core playing each other.
Team Mexico - with Ollie - please lose early and often. Johan has more mentoring work to do with Ollie, and we need them back together in PSL.
Speaking of PSL, Johan's throwing schedule is back on track, and he is determined to open the season in Cinncinati, as befits an ace. Let him, Jerry. Please.
A word to Johnny Maine. Relax, dude. You'll be fine.
Injuries recently reported can be found here. Add Mike Pelfrey to the list, with a muscle strain. Wrap yourselves in bubble wrap, guys. As a matter of fact, the Ladies volunteer to fly down there and help with that process. A sacrifice, sure, but we're willing.
There is probably much more to report on, but LadyMet is exhausted by all the baseball after so many long, barren months. And since our spring training regimen consists of sitting in front of the computer reading Metsblog and eating peanuts, we're still a little out of shape.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
A Day In The Life Of A Groundskeeper At Tradition Field
Hi all! Groundskeeper Bob here, keeping you Ladies filled in on all the happenings down here in beautiful Port St. Lucie. Since I am but a lowly field worker, most of the players, coaches and staff don't notice me much, which is how I am able to get some good inside info for you all.
Like today, for instance. Jose Reyes was just inside the clubhouse, screaming in Spanish about how he is now batting third, then he goes out and hits two home runs, one of them a grand slam. I'm thinking maybe the knowledge that his back-row ho did not have his baby, as was rumored, contributed to his power surge. (I know, I need to take a shower now, I went and linked to The Dirty)
Ryan Church is plotting revenge against Mike Francessa during his Tradition Field broadcast tomorrow. Ryan apparently has agreed to be on the radio show, after the war of words the two of them had earlier this year. Ryan was showing off the I (heart) NY T-shirt some alert fan sent him, and cackling about how he's gonna wear it tomorrow for the interview, while he was enlisting some teammates for pranks on Francessa, designed to torture him until he admits he was wrong about the whole thing. I can tell you, David Wright is one of the players involved, as he has his own grudge against the fat man.
Speaking of pranks, I can tell you that J.J. Putz is quite the jokester! He and fellow pitcher Tom Martin (I know, who??) attached their hunting rifle to my rake, and made me use it on the field. Very funny, guys, I'm still digging buckshot out of my shoes. Speaking of hunting, that wild boar they shot and served for lunch at the clubhouse to the players and staff had all of us puking within an hour. We saved some and served it to the Marlins today when they came for a game. Probably why we beat them 9-0. Btw, congrats to J.J. and his wife on the birth of their son, Joseph Ethan!
Putz' past and current teammate Sean Green cracked a fingernail while pitching yesterday. I heard Dan Wharthen yelling him afterwards, about how he needs to keep his nails short, and to stop with the airbrush designs . Seriously, I like the guy and all, but that's a little effeminate, no? Maybe it's the Curse of Heilman's Uniform Number that poor Sean was unlucky enough to get.
Finally, there's Jerry's cracked car windshield. The team is under the impression that a Marlin foul ball into the parking lot did it. All I'm saying is, has anyone seen Willie Randolph lately?
So that's today's update, Ladies. Please put my check in the mail ASAP, as I'm a little short this week. The Wilpons aren't the most solvent of employers right now!
Thanks - Bob
Like today, for instance. Jose Reyes was just inside the clubhouse, screaming in Spanish about how he is now batting third, then he goes out and hits two home runs, one of them a grand slam. I'm thinking maybe the knowledge that his back-row ho did not have his baby, as was rumored, contributed to his power surge. (I know, I need to take a shower now, I went and linked to The Dirty)
Ryan Church is plotting revenge against Mike Francessa during his Tradition Field broadcast tomorrow. Ryan apparently has agreed to be on the radio show, after the war of words the two of them had earlier this year. Ryan was showing off the I (heart) NY T-shirt some alert fan sent him, and cackling about how he's gonna wear it tomorrow for the interview, while he was enlisting some teammates for pranks on Francessa, designed to torture him until he admits he was wrong about the whole thing. I can tell you, David Wright is one of the players involved, as he has his own grudge against the fat man.
Speaking of pranks, I can tell you that J.J. Putz is quite the jokester! He and fellow pitcher Tom Martin (I know, who??) attached their hunting rifle to my rake, and made me use it on the field. Very funny, guys, I'm still digging buckshot out of my shoes. Speaking of hunting, that wild boar they shot and served for lunch at the clubhouse to the players and staff had all of us puking within an hour. We saved some and served it to the Marlins today when they came for a game. Probably why we beat them 9-0. Btw, congrats to J.J. and his wife on the birth of their son, Joseph Ethan!
Putz' past and current teammate Sean Green cracked a fingernail while pitching yesterday. I heard Dan Wharthen yelling him afterwards, about how he needs to keep his nails short, and to stop with the airbrush designs . Seriously, I like the guy and all, but that's a little effeminate, no? Maybe it's the Curse of Heilman's Uniform Number that poor Sean was unlucky enough to get.
Finally, there's Jerry's cracked car windshield. The team is under the impression that a Marlin foul ball into the parking lot did it. All I'm saying is, has anyone seen Willie Randolph lately?
So that's today's update, Ladies. Please put my check in the mail ASAP, as I'm a little short this week. The Wilpons aren't the most solvent of employers right now!
Thanks - Bob
Friday, February 20, 2009
Lady G's Bits and Pieces
Hey all! Lady G here filling in for the one and only Lady Met while she is on vacation. Hope she is having a fabulous time!
Welcome to Week 2 over at Mets camp down in PSL.... the Mets' home away from home....
To start off with the Ladies would like to send out a big congratulations to Jose Reyes and his wife Katherine on the birth of their daughter. In addition, newbie JJ Putz's wife is expecting her third child next week, early congrats to you both as well...
In other news, it sounds as if Jimmy Rollins is backing off the "Team to Beat" talk ------ guess what, the Mets are going to roll over you like one of the bulldozers over at Shea .... just you wait.... Also, Cole Hamels should really watch his back when he comes to the Big Apple this season, he apparently made a few too many enemies this past off season with his "choke artist" bit. Just watch your back and always look over your shoulder, you just never know (and tell your wife to stay out of your career, she's bad for your PR).........
For all you lucky folks heading down to PSL during this Spring Training, rumor has it Field #2 is the best place to be at around Noon ( after workouts end), to catch a close up of your favorites and possibly chat one up or grab an autograph. Don't say we never look out for ya all ;)
It looks like our two favorite boys have been battling it out during team agility drills. David Wright & John Maine are neck & neck. Too bad it looks as if Angel Pagan will beat them both in the end. Us Ladies think they are both adorable and don't want to see them hurt, it's just not worth it, boys, we will love you BOTH regardless.
*Lady G secretly hopes John Maine kicks David's arse (wink wink).....
David described his impressive 34 inch vertical Jump as "Shaq-esque"...it sounds like he may just be trying to show off for his boy David Lee.
Let it be noted that John Maine ran 300 Yards in 47 seconds, can we say tres impressive! he is truly our very own Edward Cullen...speaking of Edward Cullen, maybe this explains K-Rod's red eyes, maybe they are not really "contacts" after all....he does, after all, pitch like a superhuman!
In closing, I'd like to take a second to remember Shea stadium .... the last remaining structure was torn down earlier today. RIP Shea we will miss you! Too bad Cole & Jimmy weren't under it when it went down.... Nuff said.....
Till next time
xoxox
Lady G
Welcome to Week 2 over at Mets camp down in PSL.... the Mets' home away from home....
To start off with the Ladies would like to send out a big congratulations to Jose Reyes and his wife Katherine on the birth of their daughter. In addition, newbie JJ Putz's wife is expecting her third child next week, early congrats to you both as well...
In other news, it sounds as if Jimmy Rollins is backing off the "Team to Beat" talk ------ guess what, the Mets are going to roll over you like one of the bulldozers over at Shea .... just you wait.... Also, Cole Hamels should really watch his back when he comes to the Big Apple this season, he apparently made a few too many enemies this past off season with his "choke artist" bit. Just watch your back and always look over your shoulder, you just never know (and tell your wife to stay out of your career, she's bad for your PR).........
For all you lucky folks heading down to PSL during this Spring Training, rumor has it Field #2 is the best place to be at around Noon ( after workouts end), to catch a close up of your favorites and possibly chat one up or grab an autograph. Don't say we never look out for ya all ;)
It looks like our two favorite boys have been battling it out during team agility drills. David Wright & John Maine are neck & neck. Too bad it looks as if Angel Pagan will beat them both in the end. Us Ladies think they are both adorable and don't want to see them hurt, it's just not worth it, boys, we will love you BOTH regardless.
*Lady G secretly hopes John Maine kicks David's arse (wink wink).....
David described his impressive 34 inch vertical Jump as "Shaq-esque"...it sounds like he may just be trying to show off for his boy David Lee.
Let it be noted that John Maine ran 300 Yards in 47 seconds, can we say tres impressive! he is truly our very own Edward Cullen...speaking of Edward Cullen, maybe this explains K-Rod's red eyes, maybe they are not really "contacts" after all....he does, after all, pitch like a superhuman!
In closing, I'd like to take a second to remember Shea stadium .... the last remaining structure was torn down earlier today. RIP Shea we will miss you! Too bad Cole & Jimmy weren't under it when it went down.... Nuff said.....
Till next time
xoxox
Lady G
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
New in the World of Gossip
While our very own gangstas gather in PSL and practice the fine art of male-bonding style harassment (btw, must send out kisses to David Lennon of Newsday - the best blog for ST in town) there is gossip - rumors, if you will, about a video that exists of an "east coast slugger" doing the nasty with a "fan". This is all the info that the Ladies have for now, we have no idea who this slugger is, but FOTL (friends of the Ladies) have seen this video and vouch that it exists. It will be coming to a computer near you, and we will keep you posted.
Gangstas, this is yet another cautionary tale for you! If last years' Jose debacle wasn't enough to teach you to keep all electronics out of reach of your road beef, than we don't know what is. Let's not give Jay another headache, okey-dokey?
Gangstas, this is yet another cautionary tale for you! If last years' Jose debacle wasn't enough to teach you to keep all electronics out of reach of your road beef, than we don't know what is. Let's not give Jay another headache, okey-dokey?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Odds and Ends
LadyMet is feeling happy and prolific today, having shed a stressful job like Caroline Kennedy shed her political career, so here are a few thoughts:
Will Manny-Mania ever stop? Omar has pretty much closed the door on signing him. Face it, men, he ain't coming to Queens. He will bring his .593 slugging percentage, "aching knees" and childlike narcissistic personality to another team, perhaps staying with the Dodgers. LadyMet's husband was not pleased to hear this, and felt that cursing the Wilpons and threatening a boycott of Citifield was in order. To which LadyMet replied, "Shut the F&#K Up", sweetie. And don't forget to pick up milk on your way home.
The Ladies are OK with this, as they feel the team will be competitive this year as is. Did you hear that, guys? The Ladies are still wearing their newly aquired optimism, as it looks good and has gotten some wolf whistles out on the street.
A new entry into the world of sports-related gossip boards, The Ninth Inning.
Oh Michael, dear, sweet, ADHD Michael! How could you!
Why is David Wright stalking Nick Cannon?
Speaking of King David, Chipper Jones has professed his undying love for him. No, really. Stop laughing. Next thing you know, Jimmy Rollins will put aside his arrogance and self-promotion and play nice with his baseball rivals...oh. Wonder what Bud Selig has on good old JR?
Where, oh where is our little friend stars? The Ladies are lonely without you...
Kisses!
Will Manny-Mania ever stop? Omar has pretty much closed the door on signing him. Face it, men, he ain't coming to Queens. He will bring his .593 slugging percentage, "aching knees" and childlike narcissistic personality to another team, perhaps staying with the Dodgers. LadyMet's husband was not pleased to hear this, and felt that cursing the Wilpons and threatening a boycott of Citifield was in order. To which LadyMet replied, "Shut the F&#K Up", sweetie. And don't forget to pick up milk on your way home.
The Ladies are OK with this, as they feel the team will be competitive this year as is. Did you hear that, guys? The Ladies are still wearing their newly aquired optimism, as it looks good and has gotten some wolf whistles out on the street.
A new entry into the world of sports-related gossip boards, The Ninth Inning.
Oh Michael, dear, sweet, ADHD Michael! How could you!
Why is David Wright stalking Nick Cannon?
Speaking of King David, Chipper Jones has professed his undying love for him. No, really. Stop laughing. Next thing you know, Jimmy Rollins will put aside his arrogance and self-promotion and play nice with his baseball rivals...oh. Wonder what Bud Selig has on good old JR?
Where, oh where is our little friend stars? The Ladies are lonely without you...
Kisses!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Ladies Try Optimism On For Size
Maybe it's our recent weekend spent in Florida, perhaps it's the news that David Wright is headed to Florida himself this very week to begin his own early spring training, but the Ladies thought we'd go shopping for a new state of mind. Spring is right around the corner, and this has the Ladies feeling, well, almost giddy. Almost. Anyway, we've been wearing blue and orange pessimism for so long, perhaps it's time we gave something new a try. So bear with us while we pull it over our heads, look at it in the mirror, walk around in it for a while. It comes with a money-back guarantee, so we can return it at any time.
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
Some optimistic thoughts about the upcoming season:
The bullpen has been fixed. FIXED. The cause of last year's struggles (note I said THE cause, not ONE of the causes) is repaired. Had last year's pen not blown 29 saves (second worst in NL), the Mets, who scored the second most runs in the NL last year would have easily won the division. The Ladies predict K-Putz will ride in on their white horses and only let 15 saves go. (You've gotta give them some off-nights).
Johan Santana will repeat his stellar, Cy-Young worthy performance from last season. He's in his prime as a pitcher, and being the competitor that he is, he will be even more motivated this year.
David Wright will put up his usual spectacular numbers, and will have, thanks to his new fish-tank relaxation therapy, solved his clutch-situation problem. We predict a RISP of .310, a huge improvement over last years' .240.
Remember, David, the Ladies are here for you whenever you need a little extra soothing. Breathe in, breathe out. This will lead him to finally win the MVP he was cheated out of in '07.
Jose Reyes will finally come into his own, and live up to Jerry's gangsta ideals. His enthusiasim and talent will collide like two stars, and combine to become the unstoppable supernova we all know he can be. It would help if his stalker road beef would finally give up her desperate cries for his attention (boob surgery? really?) and move on to some other player. And no, we are not going to link to her site, it would only bring her more attention. Like giving crack to a cocaine addict.
We hear Derek Lowe is in the market for a new back row hoe, now that he's on the East Coast.
Ryan Church will not suffer any more concussions. Ever. We'll give him a line of .290/21/94. As well as defensive play so good Carlos Beltran will not have to play both positions anymore.
Daniel Murphy and Fernando Tatis will combine to become a formidible left field, with Fernando still giving thanks to the sky after every hit and Daniel finally allowing people to call him Dan. They will surpass Ryan's stats at the plate, and will continue to be the spark plugs they were last year.
John Maine will have an injury-free year, and be the #3 righty we all know he can be. He will win 16 games, with an ERA under 3. He will get another tattoo, and will become comfortable with his new hottie status.
The Ladies have other positive thoughts floating around which are colliding with the usual negative ones, and we are becoming dizzy. We are wondering if this new optimism thing comes with medication? If so, can we have some?
Love to all! (see? there it goes again...)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Carlos Beltran
Breaking News: Carlos Beltran Has Been Love Listed!
He's hot. See above.
Four time All-Star. Three time Gold Glover. Highest stolen base percentage in MLB. Need we go on? OK, we will. Two Silver Sluggers, 1,000 runs scored, hit eight home runs in post-season play. The most underappreciated Met ever.
He patrols center field like a lion patrols the plains for food...seriously, when was the last time you watched a ball hit out to center and worried about it dropping in for a hit? Has committed 32 errors as a Met - in four years. Considering he pretty much played the entire outfield last year, we'd say he's doing a damn good job of it.
Loves his wife so much he remarried her in front of JLo and Marc Anthony
One of People Magazine's 100 most beautiful people, 2006
Loves New York and wants to stay.
Birthday party. David Wright. Carlos Delgado. Johan Santana. Jose Reyes. JLo and dancing.
Man knows how to have a good time.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Of Butts and Balls
As the Ladies were scraping the inch-thick coating of ice off the car today, we got to thinking about warm weather, spring training and the sights thereof. The Ladies are tired of heavy sweaters and gloves, and wish to gaze lovingly at our beloved Mets in all their hot, sweaty, if-I-take-off-this-shirt-you'll-see-my-fabulous-pecs glory. If only our Mets were more inclined to beefcake shots, but we'll take what we can get. Feast your eyes on Part One of Butts and Balls.
So I've got these guns, Paulie, whom do I wrap them around tonite?
No, Paulie, someone who's of legal age, please.
Sí, estoy caliente.
Yo también.
Damn fine. I mean, damn fine.
This is my butt. See it and weep, Ladies.
Coming up in Part Two - a John Maine or two (yes, Lady G, I got you covered) and perhaps a surprise visitor.
So I've got these guns, Paulie, whom do I wrap them around tonite?
No, Paulie, someone who's of legal age, please.
Sí, estoy caliente.
Yo también.
Damn fine. I mean, damn fine.
This is my butt. See it and weep, Ladies.
Coming up in Part Two - a John Maine or two (yes, Lady G, I got you covered) and perhaps a surprise visitor.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas!
For those astute readers, you may have noticed an addition to our contributors - the one and only Stars, from our fav Ladies Locker Room, will be adding her wit and wisdom to these hallowed pages. Welcome, Stars! The gangstas are pleased, they are tired of LadyMet's ramblings. Sean Avery tried out for the gig, seeing as he's unemployed, but his misogyny was just so 90's.
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.
1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.
2. Ditto, John Maine.
3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)
4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.
5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)
6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)
7. A clear head for Ryan Church
8. Second-half Carlos Delgado
9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)
10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy
We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.
1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.
2. Ditto, John Maine.
3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)
4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.
5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)
6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)
7. A clear head for Ryan Church
8. Second-half Carlos Delgado
9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)
10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy
We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Questions for the New Year
So the Ladies are suffering from a bit too much holiday cheer, and have decided to take the blogger's lazy way out by asking you, our astute readers, some questions about the upcoming season. Feel free to leave your responses in the comments section, and remember that you will be graded on a curve.
1. David Wright will go public with his girlfriend. She is:
a. A schoolteacher
b. A model
c. Mrs. Met
d. A long-haul trucker
2. John Maine will reveal his new tattoo. It is:
a. The Metallica logo
b. Jennifer Aniston's face
c. A baseball
d. Johan Santana's face
3. Jose Reyes will change his on-field celebration to:
a. A front handspring
b. A back handspring
c. Throwing Luis Castillo up in the air
d. Kissing Jerry Manuel on the lips
4. The new bullpen will:
a. Shut the door every time out
b. Blow 5-10 saves
c. Blow 10-20 saves
d. Drive Johan Santana to the funny farm
5. The new Citifield home run apple will:
a. Work perfectly, and rise for every Met home run
b. Malfunction in synch with the bullpen
c. Only work if SNY's Gary Apple is sitting on it
d. Have a Keith Hernandez mustache painted on it
6. New Mets phenom Daniel Murphy will:
a. Excel at his new position in the outfield
b. Put laxatives into David Wright's Vitamin Water so he can play his natural third base position
c. Renew his relationship with other Mets phenom Nick Evans
d. Allow Carlos Delgado, but NO ONE ELSE, to call him Dan
7. Aaron Heilman will start for the Mariners at Citifield aganist his former team. He will:
a. Hit Mr. Met in the head with a fastball
b. Hit Omar Minaya in the head with a curveball
c. Throw a no-hitter
d. Suffer from an acute episode of post-traumatic stress disorder and need to be carried off the mound
1. David Wright will go public with his girlfriend. She is:
a. A schoolteacher
b. A model
c. Mrs. Met
d. A long-haul trucker
2. John Maine will reveal his new tattoo. It is:
a. The Metallica logo
b. Jennifer Aniston's face
c. A baseball
d. Johan Santana's face
3. Jose Reyes will change his on-field celebration to:
a. A front handspring
b. A back handspring
c. Throwing Luis Castillo up in the air
d. Kissing Jerry Manuel on the lips
4. The new bullpen will:
a. Shut the door every time out
b. Blow 5-10 saves
c. Blow 10-20 saves
d. Drive Johan Santana to the funny farm
5. The new Citifield home run apple will:
a. Work perfectly, and rise for every Met home run
b. Malfunction in synch with the bullpen
c. Only work if SNY's Gary Apple is sitting on it
d. Have a Keith Hernandez mustache painted on it
6. New Mets phenom Daniel Murphy will:
a. Excel at his new position in the outfield
b. Put laxatives into David Wright's Vitamin Water so he can play his natural third base position
c. Renew his relationship with other Mets phenom Nick Evans
d. Allow Carlos Delgado, but NO ONE ELSE, to call him Dan
7. Aaron Heilman will start for the Mariners at Citifield aganist his former team. He will:
a. Hit Mr. Met in the head with a fastball
b. Hit Omar Minaya in the head with a curveball
c. Throw a no-hitter
d. Suffer from an acute episode of post-traumatic stress disorder and need to be carried off the mound
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tis The Season to Help The Less Fortunate...
So Lady G and I were expressing our consternation over Fred Wilpon's change in financial fortunes. How painful it will be to give up the private jet that ferries forgotten equipment to our boys when they're on road trips...how difficult to have to watch Luis Castillo once again pretend to be a big-league second baseman when you're paying him all the money you have left in the world. The Ladies are nothing if not civic-minded, especially this time of year. So in order to fulfill our charitable quota for the year, we will be holding a Save the Wilpons fundraiser. Some of the items up for bid include:
Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match
Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)
An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)
The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)
A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)
A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans
A Keith Hernandez mustache
John Maine's bone spur
A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses
The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)
Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)
Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match
Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)
An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)
The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)
A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)
A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans
A Keith Hernandez mustache
John Maine's bone spur
A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses
The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)
Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)
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