No Way, Jose

I do have to say that the Mets have dodged a bullet, or several for that matter, in the last four or so years, injury-wise. The worst was Pedro Martinez, but he was old and falling apart, and we all knew he wouldn't last a full season, ever (except for 2005, of course).

But now...The worst has happened, ladies and gangstas.

Jose Reyes is out for an extended period of time.

I may have christened Carlos Delgado as a curse. And I still stand by that claim since (besides Duaner Sanchez's cab accident) we can relate everything bad that has happened to the team to him - he's like the swine flu source.

See, LadyMet has called out Mets fans for not having "leadership" or an "edge." Well, I tend to have an edge when I drink. But right now, I am claiming leadership of the Mets and Mets fandom. And I am saying Don't Panic. The worst has happened. Time to go forward and move ahead, like Devo would say.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. By getting ahead, I mean pulling a Steve Phillips circa 2000 when Rey Ordonez went down with an injury and he traded fan fave Melvin Mora for Mike Bordick.

We can source everything bad that happened to that team in the post-season to that deal.

And not to mention, Melvin Mora has sort of a cult-following in Baltimore now, and Mike Bordick all but fell off the face of the earth after the 2000 season.

The lesson learned, Ladies and Gangstas: Don't trade (what's left of) the farm for a momentary fix.

If (and when) Jose Reyes returns this season, it doesn't matter if it's September 20. Carlos Delgado is gone and I don't think we'll see him in a Mets uniform again, and we need to fill his hole with a Carlos Lee-type (who is so undervalued it's ridiculous).

Here's a novel idea: why not work with the new guy Valdez at SS and have Cora spell him for his brain farts? Why not have the team learn from this experience? They seemed to have no learned from collapsing two years in a row, perhaps Beltran and Wright band together with Johan and take this team by the fleshy paunch that used to be their, um, tummies. Yeah that's it.

And by team I also mean Omar Minaya, for refusing to believe that the Mets actually needed a big bat this offseason and just getting overpriced/overworked guys for the bullpen, and the Wilpons, for continuing to be penny-wise and pound-foolish, not a good recipe for a recession.

Otherwise, I think the Mets are wise to just rebuild. Poor Carlos Beltran. He's doing his MVP run with no one else to back him up.

Back On The Bus, Gangstas!

It's time! Last boarding call for New York, all gangstas please form an orderly line while we take attendance:


Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.


Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.


J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.


Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.


Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.



Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.


Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?

Castillo? I see you hiding in the back! Did you remember to pack your on base-percentage? No? Go back and get it! We'll wait.

Schneider: Got your camera to take pictures of more birthday parties? Good. Oh, and don't forget Ramon Castro.

Murphy? OK, I see you. No need to jump up and down. Did you pack Nick Evans? Good. Don't forget, he has to go to Buffalo soon, so don't torture him too much. Oh, you also have your Lord of the Rings movies? Great, we'll watch them on the bus.

Maine? Stop poking Pelfrey, please. Did you remember your new mechanics? Good. Lady G's counting on you this year, don't let her down.

Pelfrey! Did you remember your helmet? Great. And your new sinker? Terrific. OK, be careful boarding the bus, please. Maybe you should put your helmet on now, before you attempt the steps.


Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.


And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.

OK, Jerry, gang's all here...do your thing!

Mets Minituae

As spring training rolls to a close, and our Metsies are finally at full strength, we turn our attention to the truly important things about our team. The Ladies are content to leave the stats, lineup projections, rotation and bullpen concerns to those who are much smarter than us (Metsgeek and Amazin Avenue come immediately to mind, although there are many others) and will instead concentrate on the little things we have learned over the course of this very long spring training that make our beloveds the fine men they are. In no particular order, here you go:

Carlos Beltran is opening an academic/baseball academy in Puerto Rico.

David Wright paid for an Iraqi war veteran to fly to LA for the WBC semi finals.

Carlos Delgado has the cutest son ever!

Ryan Church is now slightly less wise.

J.J. Putz doesn't care how people pronounce his name. He loves a good, childish practical joke. Rapidly becoming LadyMet's favorite pitcher. (Besides, he let his wife pick the name of their new son - how does any woman not love that?)

Francisco Rodriguez does not want to be called K-Rod. Someone needs to inform the Mets and MLB of this.

Golf and pitchers do not mix.

Please note that all these fine tidbits are gleaned from various blogs/news sources, but LadyMet is far too lazy on this Sunday to link to all of them. She will now go back to arguing with hubby as to why the Mets will be fine in the offense department this year.

Till next time!

Dreamin'...

Picture this: LadyMet and hubby are settled in for a good night's sleep. As the snoring commences, both begin to experience the same dream...

A nailbiter of a game...David Wright slides headfirst into home on a sac fly, tying the game in the second at one apiece. Carlos Delgado hits a monster shot that adds two runs to the board in the sixth. Carlos Beltran saves a run with an incredible catch in center field. Then in the bottom of the ninth, with the bases loaded, one out, down by a run, our boy wonder gets up. He watches a couple of pitches, then it happens...he smacks a single to right field! Two runs score! We win the game!! Jubilant, he jumps and raises his fists...yeah!! He is tackled by his teammates in celebration! Jeter and Victorino are the first to reach him. He is tackled by the rest, and ends up on the ground, face first, as the pile celebrates.

Wait, WHAT??? Who tackles him? Why are Carlos y Carlos leaving the field with tears in their eyes? We won!
What the FUCK!!! Startled, LadyMet and hubby awake suddenly, sweating.

LadyMet's hubby voices her own thought..."We gotta stop eating Ben & Jerry's before bed..."

Carlos Beltran

Breaking News: Carlos Beltran Has Been Love Listed!

He's hot. See above.

Four time All-Star. Three time Gold Glover. Highest stolen base percentage in MLB. Need we go on? OK, we will. Two Silver Sluggers, 1,000 runs scored, hit eight home runs in post-season play. The most underappreciated Met ever.

He patrols center field like a lion patrols the plains for food...seriously, when was the last time you watched a ball hit out to center and worried about it dropping in for a hit? Has committed 32 errors as a Met - in four years. Considering he pretty much played the entire outfield last year, we'd say he's doing a damn good job of it.

Loves his wife so much he remarried her in front of JLo and Marc Anthony

One of People Magazine's 100 most beautiful people, 2006

Loves New York and wants to stay.

Birthday party. David Wright. Carlos Delgado. Johan Santana. Jose Reyes. JLo and dancing.
Man knows how to have a good time.

We love you, Carlos. You're forgiven for the called third strike. Just don't do it again.

Of Butts and Balls

As the Ladies were scraping the inch-thick coating of ice off the car today, we got to thinking about warm weather, spring training and the sights thereof. The Ladies are tired of heavy sweaters and gloves, and wish to gaze lovingly at our beloved Mets in all their hot, sweaty, if-I-take-off-this-shirt-you'll-see-my-fabulous-pecs glory. If only our Mets were more inclined to beefcake shots, but we'll take what we can get. Feast your eyes on Part One of Butts and Balls.


So I've got these guns, Paulie, whom do I wrap them around tonite?
No, Paulie, someone who's of legal age, please.



Sí, estoy caliente.


Yo también.


Damn fine. I mean, damn fine.



This is my butt. See it and weep, Ladies.


Coming up in Part Two - a John Maine or two (yes, Lady G, I got you covered) and perhaps a surprise visitor.

Merry Christmas!

For those astute readers, you may have noticed an addition to our contributors - the one and only Stars, from our fav Ladies Locker Room, will be adding her wit and wisdom to these hallowed pages. Welcome, Stars! The gangstas are pleased, they are tired of LadyMet's ramblings. Sean Avery tried out for the gig, seeing as he's unemployed, but his misogyny was just so 90's.
Just a quick note for this Christmas Eve. The Ladies have a wish list, and they would appreciate finding these items under the tree tomorrow morning. Gangstas, please take notes.

1. A picture of David Wright, shirtless. Nude would also be acceptable.

2. Ditto, John Maine.

3. Derek Lowe. (fully clothed, please)

4. A target for Jimmy Rollins' head.

5. Some new movies for the bus (see, gangstas, we're thinking of you! We know it gets boring)

6. Blue glitter pasties (if you don't know what we're talking about, you haven't been keeping up! It will all be explained in due time)

7. A clear head for Ryan Church

8. Second-half Carlos Delgado

9. A four hundred million-dollar implosion across town (that would be da bronx, natch)

10. A stellar year for rookie phenom Daniel Murphy

We don't ask for much. Off now to the sugar plums...

Tis The Season to Help The Less Fortunate...

So Lady G and I were expressing our consternation over Fred Wilpon's change in financial fortunes. How painful it will be to give up the private jet that ferries forgotten equipment to our boys when they're on road trips...how difficult to have to watch Luis Castillo once again pretend to be a big-league second baseman when you're paying him all the money you have left in the world. The Ladies are nothing if not civic-minded, especially this time of year. So in order to fulfill our charitable quota for the year, we will be holding a Save the Wilpons fundraiser. Some of the items up for bid include:

Front row seats to the Jose Reyes-Jimmy Rollins steel cage grudge match

Naming rights to Carlos Beltran's mole (an idea stolen shamelessly from Toasty Joe)

An evening with your favorite third baseman, at his home, watching his fish swim (this one's mine)

The right to cook fried okra for John Maine (this one's Lady G's)

A ride on the new center field apple at Citifield after a Delgado HR (hopefully, you will not be waiting out there all season long, it gets cold on Flushing Bay)

A double date with Daniel (don't call me Dan) Murphy and his ex, Nick Evans

A Keith Hernandez mustache

John Maine's bone spur

A pair of Jerry Manuel's glasses

The right to carry the pink Sleeping Beauty backpack filled with candy to the bullpen all season (they need someone to do it, Joe Smith has been traded)

Please keep in mind your charitable contributions will help keep the Wilpons solvent and able to pay the $150 million dollar payroll for next year. Otherwise, the Mets will be fielding the over-50 men's softball team from Rusty's Tavern, and we don't want that.
(Need I say this is not an actual auction, and please don't send any money? I didn't think so)