A Day In The Life Of A Groundskeeper At Tradition Field

Hi all! Groundskeeper Bob here, keeping you Ladies filled in on all the happenings down here in beautiful Port St. Lucie. Since I am but a lowly field worker, most of the players, coaches and staff don't notice me much, which is how I am able to get some good inside info for you all.

Like today, for instance. Jose Reyes was just inside the clubhouse, screaming in Spanish about how he is now batting third, then he goes out and hits two home runs, one of them a grand slam. I'm thinking maybe the knowledge that his back-row ho did not have his baby, as was rumored, contributed to his power surge. (I know, I need to take a shower now, I went and linked to The Dirty)

Ryan Church is plotting revenge against Mike Francessa during his Tradition Field broadcast tomorrow. Ryan apparently has agreed to be on the radio show, after the war of words the two of them had earlier this year. Ryan was showing off the I (heart) NY T-shirt some alert fan sent him, and cackling about how he's gonna wear it tomorrow for the interview, while he was enlisting some teammates for pranks on Francessa, designed to torture him until he admits he was wrong about the whole thing. I can tell you, David Wright is one of the players involved, as he has his own grudge against the fat man.

Speaking of pranks, I can tell you that J.J. Putz is quite the jokester! He and fellow pitcher Tom Martin (I know, who??) attached their hunting rifle to my rake, and made me use it on the field. Very funny, guys, I'm still digging buckshot out of my shoes. Speaking of hunting, that wild boar they shot and served for lunch at the clubhouse to the players and staff had all of us puking within an hour. We saved some and served it to the Marlins today when they came for a game. Probably why we beat them 9-0. Btw, congrats to J.J. and his wife on the birth of their son, Joseph Ethan!

Putz' past and current teammate Sean Green cracked a fingernail while pitching yesterday. I heard Dan Wharthen yelling him afterwards, about how he needs to keep his nails short, and to stop with the airbrush designs . Seriously, I like the guy and all, but that's a little effeminate, no? Maybe it's the Curse of Heilman's Uniform Number that poor Sean was unlucky enough to get.

Finally, there's Jerry's cracked car windshield. The team is under the impression that a Marlin foul ball into the parking lot did it. All I'm saying is, has anyone seen Willie Randolph lately?

So that's today's update, Ladies. Please put my check in the mail ASAP, as I'm a little short this week. The Wilpons aren't the most solvent of employers right now!

Thanks - Bob

Keith's Quotes of the day

If you look to your right, you will notice a new feature here at the Ladies' home. Keith's quotes feature a new quote every day from one of the original gangstas, and current Met announcer par excellent Keith Hernandez. The Ladies had discovered a Facebook page devoted solely to Keith's brain farts, and we laughed for days reading it. Thanks to Mike over at Global Mets for providing us lazy-ass bloggers with a funny, entertaining feature that we did not have to work for.

Also note the Ladies have finally figured out how to put a feed on the sidebar, so feel free to subscribe. Actually, please do, as it will validate the many hours of agonizing brain work the Ladies put in trying to understand feeds - the Ladies are low-tech kind of girls!

More later on today's spring training events, and a critique of all the press David Wright's been doing lately (you can just picture Jay Horowitz behind him with a whip). Can the media possibly kiss his butt any more? jeez...

Kisses!

Shop Till You Drop...

The Ladies' favorite activity, after cheering for the Mets, of course. We have found a few Mets-centric items out there for sale from some of our favorite bloggers, and wanted to pass them along to you. Get out your wallets, gangstas!

The lovely and talented Danielle at The Wright Stuff has a whole host of items, check it out.. Note the "Ladies On The Field" shirt. We're honored that we've been immortalized in cotton!

Caryn over at Metsgrrl has Lady G's favorite shirt, a John Maine special. Take a look, and rock on, dude.

Babes Love Baseball has some interesting shirts, for ladies only! Hate to think of any MLBer wearing these!

For the men, we have the Faith and Fear in Flushing special. LadyMet gave this one to her sweetie for Christmas, and he is still thanking her...

Last but certainly not least we have garykeithandron.com. Not only do they have shirts that celebrate the guys who make up the best booth in baseball (ours!), all the proceeds go to Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez and Ron Darling's charities.

If you know of any more interesting items out there, let us know and we'd be happy to post them. Nothing makes the Ladies happier than to find ways to spend money.

Kisses!

Man, It's Cold Up Here

We're baaack! Mickey sends his love to all gangstas out there, and special big kisses to Lady G for keeping us in the loop while LadyMet frolicked with Pooh and his friends.

Since the David Wright Girlfriend saga has been covered (really, too big a story to ignore, even from Fantasyland), let's get back to baseball, shall we?

Recent developments coming out of Camp Gangsta are shocking! Well, maybe not, compared to Camp Steriod over in Tampa. (Allow us to digress a moment - Yankee skipper Joe Girardi is giving his team of me-first, overpaid spoiled crybabies the day off from baseball and taking them on a field trip. That's right, they have been in camp all of five days, and Joe feels they need a break to go play billards. The whole team. Now, supporters can call this a team-building exercise, the Ladies call this rewarding bad behavior)

Anyway, Head Gangsta Jerry is looking to shake things up this year. Changing the lineup, perhaps? Reyes hitting third? An intriguing idea. He's got enough pop in his bat to drive in some serious runs, although he'll have to be careful not to run down Castillo on his way to third. Speaking of which, Castillo has been making all the right noises this spring. He's humble, owning up to his Little League performance of last year, and appears much healthier and lighter. Perhaps he's been on the David Wright Girlfriend diet (eat only greens, get your exercise chasing David all over the country).

On to pitching. Last year, speaking of the Met's pitching staff was enough to give LadyMet hives. This year, a different story.
J.J. Putz is a beast. He's also a character, and the Ladies look forward to many stories of clubhouse hi jinks. As if that weren't enough, he's a team first player, and doesn't mind setting up K-Rod. We see a Love List in your future, J.J.!
The starting rotation has more candidates than than the first round of American Idol. Beginning with Santana, natch, and on to Pelfrey, Ollie (Welcome back! Glad to see Bora$ let you come out to play), our boy Metallica John Maine, and a cast of thousands for the fifth spot. Freddy Garcia? Tim Redding? Jon Niece? Nice to have options!

The outfield is in a state of flux, but again, nice to have options. Although today, not so good to be Ryan Church. Gangsta Jerry is sticking it to our fav former National, by putting him on notice (though the media - really, Jerry?) that he may not be the full-time right fielder due to his lefty-hitting issues. Daniel (Don't call me Dan) Murphy will see the majority of playing time in left, leaving Fernando (The Stars Were Bright) Tatis to spell David Wright, Carlos Delgado and Ryan Church.

So the drama begins, and Jerry is stirring the pot. Plus, the team breaks up next week, as the WBC begins.

Baseball is back!!!

Lady G's Picture of the Week

Use your imaginations, Ladies. We won't spoon feed you.

An Open Letter To David Lee

Dear David Lee;


Hi from the Ladies! Even though you're a basketball player, we just wanted to send our love your way. You're young, you have all sorts of potential, and your first name is one of our favorites. And oh! you're also good friends with our own David Wright! What a coincidence!


It seems that your beautiful Ford model girlfriend is BFFs with David Wright's beautiful Ford model girlfriend. We have to tell you, David Lee, that David Wright never admits publicly to dating anyone specific, and you've gone and spoiled that perfect track record. See here:

Q: You're friends with David Wright?
A: Our girlfriends are best friends. They model for the same agency.
Q: You've double-dated?
A: We have gone places, yes.
Q: What's that like?
A: He's big-time. I'm just a small-time guy. It's fun going places with him. Wherever we go, he gets all the attention. I just kinda sit over in the sidelines.

Now, David Lee, weren't you paying attention during the "how to avoid answering personal questions" segment of Dealing With The Media 101? This is how it's done. DW's interview with the same reporter, two weeks later:

Q: Double-dating with David Lee?
A: He is far more recognizable than me. I think with the way he's playing this year, and you go out with an NBA power forward, he kinda draws most of the attention.

In any case, thanks for finally giving women everywhere a straight answer on DW's love life. Wonder if DW is mad at you. We can imagine Jay Horowitz is...

Lady G's Bits and Pieces

Hey all! Lady G here filling in for the one and only Lady Met while she is on vacation. Hope she is having a fabulous time!

Welcome to Week 2 over at Mets camp down in PSL.... the Mets' home away from home....

To start off with the Ladies would like to send out a big congratulations to Jose Reyes and his wife Katherine on the birth of their daughter. In addition, newbie JJ Putz's wife is expecting her third child next week, early congrats to you both as well...

In other news, it sounds as if Jimmy Rollins is backing off the "Team to Beat" talk ------ guess what, the Mets are going to roll over you like one of the bulldozers over at Shea .... just you wait.... Also, Cole Hamels should really watch his back when he comes to the Big Apple this season, he apparently made a few too many enemies this past off season with his "choke artist" bit. Just watch your back and always look over your shoulder, you just never know (and tell your wife to stay out of your career, she's bad for your PR).........

For all you lucky folks heading down to PSL during this Spring Training, rumor has it Field #2 is the best place to be at around Noon ( after workouts end), to catch a close up of your favorites and possibly chat one up or grab an autograph. Don't say we never look out for ya all ;)

It looks like our two favorite boys have been battling it out during team agility drills. David Wright & John Maine are neck & neck. Too bad it looks as if Angel Pagan will beat them both in the end. Us Ladies think they are both adorable and don't want to see them hurt, it's just not worth it, boys, we will love you BOTH regardless.
*Lady G secretly hopes John Maine kicks David's arse (wink wink).....

David described his impressive 34 inch vertical Jump as "Shaq-esque"...it sounds like he may just be trying to show off for his boy David Lee.

Let it be noted that John Maine ran 300 Yards in 47 seconds, can we say tres impressive! he is truly our very own Edward Cullen...speaking of Edward Cullen, maybe this explains K-Rod's red eyes, maybe they are not really "contacts" after all....he does, after all, pitch like a superhuman!

In closing, I'd like to take a second to remember Shea stadium .... the last remaining structure was torn down earlier today. RIP Shea we will miss you! Too bad Cole & Jimmy weren't under it when it went down.... Nuff said.....

Till next time
xoxox
Lady G

Mickey Mouse and Hero Worship

Greetings from Disney World! As LadyMet's own mini-gangstas are on winter break this week, the whole family trekked down south to visit LadyMet's other love, Mickey. Which reminds the Ladies of a thought we had before we left on the dangers of hero worship.

While visiting our favorite boards and blogs recently, we have noticed a trend of fans, mostly David Wright fanatics, putting the poor gangsta up on a pedestal so high he's getting a nosebleed. An innocent comment on a fan board about the struggle DW had in coming up with something PC to say about A-Rod (cause, honestly, how do you condemn and defend all in the same statement?) caused members to jump to his defense. "He has to be PC, and that's not a bad thing!" Okaaaay...look, the Ladies know all about DW's values and morals, how he is a prince among men, etc etc. but take it easy, people. He is human, and is entitled to be human. He has a carefully crafted image, which he is very good at maintaining, and which serves him well in the baseball world and beyond. He has, however, shown glimpses of his humanity - remember his drinking pics with LoDuca? or his going public with Molly? Women were shocked! He dates only prim and proper schoolteachers, not loose wanna-be models! Then, the whispers about road beef and provocative pics of blue glitter pasties - he would NEVER sleep with such whores! He was raised better than that!

Golly, as Goofy would say. Let the man be human, and do the things a normal 26 year-old likes to do, as he himself has said. We know he is a good person with a big heart, but he has to let loose sometimes too. And how do you know he has never sampled some prime road beef? The only one who really knows is him, and he ain't talking.

Smarter people than the Ladies have discussed the dangers of putting our athletes on the same level as, say, Abraham Lincoln, and the fact that in the end, we all lose. They are athletes, not humanitarians, after all.

Now if you're looking for a hero, LadyMet suggests you look no further than Mickey Mouse. He has never cheated on Minnie, never held out for a bigger contract from Walt, and treats his dog Pluto like a king.

So the Ladies apologize for the lack of baseball here, especially given that it is spring training and there is undoubtedly lots of good stuff going on over in PSL, but our attention is elsewhere. Until next time, kisses!!

Spring Training - Week One

All Hail, the Big Donkey

The gangstas have only been at camp for a week and they have already picked their torture target for the spring. Pity poor Mike Pelfrey, the 6'7" newlywed and one-fifth of the starting rotation. He flipped a golf cart while playing with John Maine, Ryan Church and Brian Schneider and showed up for workouts the next day wearing this. Feel free to add your own punchline to this picture, it's too easy.

In David Wright news, he was cornered this week and asked for his reaction to the A-Rod fiasco. Oh, David, we feel your pain. Always trying so hard to do the right thing. Mr. Clean. Imagine his discomfort when asked to comment on the fall of one of the game's greatest players. Just listen here, and you can almost feel the sweat forming as our beloved tries to walk the fine line between defense of one of his heros, and condemnation.

On to the newbies. J.J. Putz has a nasty splitter, which even impresses the oh-so-cool, David Wright BFF bullpen catcher Dave Racaniello. J.J. Putz also has a sense of humor, as evidenced by his pie-in-the-face-on-live-TV of the lovely Kevin Burkhardt. The Ladies look forward to big things from Mr. Putz. (again, insert your own joke here)

Ryan Church. Mike Francessa. Mike, you're an idiot. And the Ladies don't listen to your show. So there.

Kisses till next time!

New in the World of Gossip

While our very own gangstas gather in PSL and practice the fine art of male-bonding style harassment (btw, must send out kisses to David Lennon of Newsday - the best blog for ST in town) there is gossip - rumors, if you will, about a video that exists of an "east coast slugger" doing the nasty with a "fan". This is all the info that the Ladies have for now, we have no idea who this slugger is, but FOTL (friends of the Ladies) have seen this video and vouch that it exists. It will be coming to a computer near you, and we will keep you posted.

Gangstas, this is yet another cautionary tale for you! If last years' Jose debacle wasn't enough to teach you to keep all electronics out of reach of your road beef, than we don't know what is. Let's not give Jay another headache, okey-dokey?

Jay Horowitz (or...the "We're not gonna talk about A-Rod" post)

I hope you weren't holding your breath waiting for the Ladies to chime in on the A-Rod mess, now were you? Hopefully you'd know us better than that by now. We do have one word:

yawn.

Now on to the bigger news: Jay Horowitz gets Love Listed!

Pictured above is the Met's beloved Jay Horowitz, long time PR Director, life-long Met fan, Queens native, Gangsta Emeritus. Seriously, never heard of him? You're in the minority.

Any 60+ gentleman who wears a jacket like this in front of tens of thousands of people just to bring his team luck is a keeper.

His nickname around the clubhouse is "the Godfather".

Look at any picture of our beloved Metsies in any press event, particularly involving David Wright, and you will see Jay hovering protectively in the background. Good to know that when our gangstas get off the bus, they have someone looking out for them, as they do tend to get into trouble.

Huge NY Giants fan.

Anyone who can deal with the NY Post's Bart Hubbach on a daily basis is saint-like.

Kisses to you, Jay!

(and for those cynics out there, who are thinking this was just a brown-nose job in hopes of someday getting press passes - well, you'd be right.)

Odds and Ends

LadyMet is feeling happy and prolific today, having shed a stressful job like Caroline Kennedy shed her political career, so here are a few thoughts:


Will Manny-Mania ever stop? Omar has pretty much closed the door on signing him. Face it, men, he ain't coming to Queens. He will bring his .593 slugging percentage, "aching knees" and childlike narcissistic personality to another team, perhaps staying with the Dodgers. LadyMet's husband was not pleased to hear this, and felt that cursing the Wilpons and threatening a boycott of Citifield was in order. To which LadyMet replied, "Shut the F&#K Up", sweetie. And don't forget to pick up milk on your way home.
The Ladies are OK with this, as they feel the team will be competitive this year as is. Did you hear that, guys? The Ladies are still wearing their newly aquired optimism, as it looks good and has gotten some wolf whistles out on the street.

A new entry into the world of sports-related gossip boards, The Ninth Inning.

Oh Michael, dear, sweet, ADHD Michael! How could you!

Why is David Wright stalking Nick Cannon?

Speaking of King David, Chipper Jones has professed his undying love for him. No, really. Stop laughing. Next thing you know, Jimmy Rollins will put aside his arrogance and self-promotion and play nice with his baseball rivals...oh. Wonder what Bud Selig has on good old JR?

Where, oh where is our little friend stars? The Ladies are lonely without you...

Kisses!

Spring Training Packing List

Now remember, little gangstas, stay on the bus unless chaperoned- the NL East is not the kind of neighborhood you go wandering around in alone! Have fun, play nice with the minor leaguers and don't short-sheet the coaches again! Oh, and if someone named Bora$ comes around, offering you candy, don't take it! He's a bully, that Scotty...

Here is your packing list. Don't forget anything!


Spring/summer cell phone containing those special phone #'s

Palmer's Cocoa Butter

Nutty Buddies - They're in Ollie's new contract

Phone # for local PSL tattoo artist (for John Maine)

Book of crossword puzzles (John Maine)

New Metallica CD ( again, John Maine - he's higher maintenence than you think)

David Wright wax figure from Madame Tussaud's - for making statements to the press - they'll never know the difference

Switchblade for Jerry Manuel (for threatening the gangstas when they get out of line)

Smelling salts for helping players recover from concussions - just in case

Santa Suit for Big Pelf - he refuses to go without it

Dan Warthen's glasses - he's gonna need them

Oh, and don't forget your equipment!