Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Day In The Life Of A Groundskeeper At Tradition Field

Hi all! Groundskeeper Bob here, keeping you Ladies filled in on all the happenings down here in beautiful Port St. Lucie. Since I am but a lowly field worker, most of the players, coaches and staff don't notice me much, which is how I am able to get some good inside info for you all.

Like today, for instance. Jose Reyes was just inside the clubhouse, screaming in Spanish about how he is now batting third, then he goes out and hits two home runs, one of them a grand slam. I'm thinking maybe the knowledge that his back-row ho did not have his baby, as was rumored, contributed to his power surge. (I know, I need to take a shower now, I went and linked to The Dirty)

Ryan Church is plotting revenge against Mike Francessa during his Tradition Field broadcast tomorrow. Ryan apparently has agreed to be on the radio show, after the war of words the two of them had earlier this year. Ryan was showing off the I (heart) NY T-shirt some alert fan sent him, and cackling about how he's gonna wear it tomorrow for the interview, while he was enlisting some teammates for pranks on Francessa, designed to torture him until he admits he was wrong about the whole thing. I can tell you, David Wright is one of the players involved, as he has his own grudge against the fat man.

Speaking of pranks, I can tell you that J.J. Putz is quite the jokester! He and fellow pitcher Tom Martin (I know, who??) attached their hunting rifle to my rake, and made me use it on the field. Very funny, guys, I'm still digging buckshot out of my shoes. Speaking of hunting, that wild boar they shot and served for lunch at the clubhouse to the players and staff had all of us puking within an hour. We saved some and served it to the Marlins today when they came for a game. Probably why we beat them 9-0. Btw, congrats to J.J. and his wife on the birth of their son, Joseph Ethan!

Putz' past and current teammate Sean Green cracked a fingernail while pitching yesterday. I heard Dan Wharthen yelling him afterwards, about how he needs to keep his nails short, and to stop with the airbrush designs . Seriously, I like the guy and all, but that's a little effeminate, no? Maybe it's the Curse of Heilman's Uniform Number that poor Sean was unlucky enough to get.

Finally, there's Jerry's cracked car windshield. The team is under the impression that a Marlin foul ball into the parking lot did it. All I'm saying is, has anyone seen Willie Randolph lately?

So that's today's update, Ladies. Please put my check in the mail ASAP, as I'm a little short this week. The Wilpons aren't the most solvent of employers right now!

Thanks - Bob

No comments:

Post a Comment