It's time! Last boarding call for New York, all gangstas please form an orderly line while we take attendance:
Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.
Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.
J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.
Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.
Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.
Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.
Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?
Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.
And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.
Santana! Hello there, sir. Please board first, and sit wherever you like. Is that Ollie in your back pocket? Great, and thank you for supervising him.
Wright? There you are. Do you have your stache? Not yet? If you need help getting it started, please see here. And please leave behind Jimmy Rollins' phone number, you are back to being bitter enemies. No singing on the bus this time, David. It annoys the pitchers.
J.J.? OK, I see you. Pack your baby powder? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Who's that behind you? Jeremy Reed and Sean Green? Oh, sorry, forgot about them. You do cast a pretty big shadow, J.J. OK, on the bus.
Reyes? OK. Do you have your enthusiasm? Good. Celebration handshakes? Great. Leave behind the "special" cell phones, Jose, we're determined to keep you out of trouble this year.
Delgado? Yes. Did you bring your post-July 08 bat? No, not the pre-July 08 one. Burn that one.
Beltran? Hi. Do you have your key to the season? The one from Coop? Don't forget to carry it with you everywhere you go, just as a reminder.
Church? Got your smelling salts? Good. Remember to avoid knees. All knees. Knees to head = bad news, got it?
Castillo? I see you hiding in the back! Did you remember to pack your on base-percentage? No? Go back and get it! We'll wait.
Schneider: Got your camera to take pictures of more birthday parties? Good. Oh, and don't forget Ramon Castro.
Murphy? OK, I see you. No need to jump up and down. Did you pack Nick Evans? Good. Don't forget, he has to go to Buffalo soon, so don't torture him too much. Oh, you also have your Lord of the Rings movies? Great, we'll watch them on the bus.
Maine? Stop poking Pelfrey, please. Did you remember your new mechanics? Good. Lady G's counting on you this year, don't let her down.
Livan? Hi. Did you bring your World Series ring? Good. Show it off, display it prominently, make the team want one of their own. Oh, is that the new SI issue? No, we don't want that bad mojo on the bus. Throw it out.
And closing out the line...K-Rod? Hi. You might want to lose that chip on your shoulder, dude. It will be nothing but trouble for you in NY. Just ask A-Rod next time you see him, he'll tell you.
OK, Jerry, gang's all here...do your thing!
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